Saturday, July 16, 2005

agar tere haath me.n pistaul hai to mere haath me.n ##remote## (being my thoughts on the unfulfilled promise[sic] of vaada)[april 03, 2005]

Years later, this Satish Kaushik-directed love triangle/murder non-mystery starring Teak Wood (Arjun Rampal as Rahul), Sandal Wood (Zayed Khan as Karan) and Red Wood (Amisha "look at my new hairdo that was not required at all" Patel as Pooja) will be remembered

not for its references to Sangam (try Teak Wood singing dost dost naa rahaa)

not for the obligatory Sholay reference (Rahul singing ye dosatii ham nahii.n to.De.nge)

not for the Gustav Klimt painting on the wall in Rahul's house

not for the tendency of calling conventions to skip surnames (what's with Mrs. Rahul or Mr. Alex?)

not for brilliant symbols like choosing the number 13 for the box holding Pooja's dead body

not for dumb songs like terii kurtii ##sexy## lagatii hai

not for Achyut Potdar as the judge telling Mr. Saxena (Rakesh Bedi -- no first name was provided) ##mr. saxena## aap vakiil hai.n; aap ko ye to pataa honaa chaahiye ki kisii apaahij evam laachaar kaa mazaaq u.Daanaa amaanaviiya evam asamvaidhaanik hai

not Zayed Khan throwing a childish tantrum in court with Give us the god-damned truth!

but for a journey through some of the dumbest most original ways that Karan adopts to prove that Rahul is not blind: get him to sign blank stamp papers | get him to consume a poison (actually, laxative)-laced drink | get a gang of goons to attack him | lower the flowerpots adorning the top of a doorway | ask Alex (Rahul's caretaker) | get him to walk the tracks as a train approaches ... and then Rahul sees a kid ahead and runs to save him (guess what? we find out later in the court that the kid's deaf!!)

I will now leave you to roll down the laughter pit ...

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