Wednesday, May 12, 2004

k for crap

K-fetishist Ekta Kapoor returns after Kucch to Hai with another filched-from-the-west-and-blended-with-desi-ineptness waste of film called Krishna Cottage. Originally titled Kimberly Cottage (naam me.n honestly kyaa rakhaa hai?), the film was retitled to suit EK's numerological whims. The directorial[sic] credit[sic] is claimed by Santram Verma, who has been responsible for the TV K-infestations like Kyunki SBKBT and Kahin KR. The utterly unqualified Nataasha (who was Anita before EK's numerological demons kicked in) returns along with other ineptia from KTH. The last time around we had Rishi Kapoor filling in as the 70s/80s icon. This time it's Rati Agnihotri. The coolest aspect of her presence in the film is that when she is possessed by Isha Koppikar's spirit during a seance she looks like Raakhee. I must confess that I hadn't expected such appropriate dramatic realism from this bunch of incompetent $$$-savvy jerks. Anu Malik goes through another phase of auto-déjà vu by recycling dil Daa.Ng as bi.ndaas and getting Shreya Ghoshal to sound like Anuradha Paudwal for the FF-friendly suunaa suunaa (which suspiciously keeps riffing something from RDB's classic jaane jaa.N Dhuu.NDataa phir rahaa). In terms of source material, viewers of The Ring will note familiar moments. Throw in some reincarnation nonsense and you get a splendid sequence where Sohail Khan gets to look in the face of a dead himself. Priceless. And instead of a video that kills you it's a book written by Professor Das (Raj Zutshi in a blink-and-you'll-miss-me strictly-for-the-money role) called Kahi Ankahi Baatein, which contains 9-and-a-half (surely, the Fellini angle is unintentional!!!) stories. The film takes its title from one of the stories in the book (and we find this out later in the second half, that is, if we are still around). There's an uncredited abuse of Love me do and the sole Vishal-Shekhar contribution to the soundtrack figures neither on the screen nor in the credits.

More cool stuff: there's a character called Amar (meaning: immortal) who is dead. Isha's character is called Disha (meaning: direction), and it's really outrageous to see (a) her walk aimlessly throughout the film, and (b) see Sohail Khan keep screaming out her name on a snow-clad mountain top. The irritating noisy character that Nataasha goes through the motions for is called Shanti (meaning: peace). And there are such priceless examples of dialogue and inference: when Disha drops the title of a book, Maanav (SK's other character) concludes that she is an avid book reader (even though the book is staring him in the face!). There's some technical merit to the flashes of memory that inundate the film, but all that is lost in this morass presented by Jeetendra. Another ball of bombast from Balaji Films.

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