kyun...! ho gaya na, chot, rakht

KHGN: flatulent fellatio [September 09, 2004]

about the only interesting thing, speaking as a triviamonger, in this sorry waste of film stock and audience time and musical talent called Kyun...! Ho Gaya Na, is a vertigo zoom. But given the alarmingly high number of films I have seen that device employed in recently, I wasn't as taken aback. On the rest of the deal, what can you say about the Big B? This is strictly for the money, and despite his talent, one has to question the need to be part of such enterprises. Everything is auto-pilot. And what in the name of all lobotomy makes "C'mon Charlie" cool? Watch out for obvious product placement (Coffee Day, Castrol GTX, Ceat, Netware 5). Om Puri and Rati Agnihotri return, and the former continues to enjoy and devour his parts in retch-fests like this one. For that alone, he deserves plaudits (buraa waqt aur terii maa.N kabhii bhii aa sakate hai.n). Vivek Oberoi, the over-rated poster boy, gets a writing credit (screenplay, dialogue) on the film, and that alone is enough to convince you that is strictly a home movie that accidentally got support from mainstream distributors and made it to the theatres. The songs by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are tortured beyond recognition, and every song-and-dance sequence begs for the FF button. Aishwarya Rai looks beautiful (and this observation supports my contention that she looks better in Western outfits), but continues to rule to roost as the perfect combination of beauty and a complete lack of acting talent. Filches galore ranging from MJ's Stranger in Moscow video, A Beautiful Mind, a faux Kal Ho Naa Ho device in the background track (jhuuT[sic] bolaa v/s galat ghar), a nod to the table sequence in Satte pe Satta. And there's even the classic language mix-o-rama with lines like "##answers##, jawaab Dhuu.NDh rahii huu.N". Also featuring pieces of wood (Suniel Shetty), and cute and clueless (Diya Mirza) [oh interestingly, given DM's presence in the film, I thought it was "cute" that Rai's character was named Diya ... ooh! so cute!!!]. The end credits feature outtakes (been there, seen that being flogged to death). And to top the vanity charts, débutante director (take my advice, open a paan stall) Sameer Karnik even drops a his name in the dialogues (a reference to Sameer Karnik's party). With all this, do I even need to say (explicitly) that this piece of Godzilla dung deserves all the Kiwi Dranex you can afford?


chot [September 26, 2004]

It is a sad state of affairs when talented actors like Ashutosh Rana get meatier parts in films that are destined to fade out of cinema halls just as quickly as they faded in. Rana is the only saving grace in this film that treads slightly familiar territory in a moderately different way: he is kishan yaadav, the leader of a horde of tabelaa folk whose establishment is in danger of being torn down to build a multi-storeyed complex. Added to the mix is the obligatory love angle featuring his younger brother and a news reporter. Muted are all the cuss words (despite the film being conferred an A certificate). Rana's great (IMHO) moment comes early on during the opening credits as he breaks into a spontaneous bare-bones aalaa on Prithviraj Chauhan. There's also this cool piece of allusion: when kishan yaadav is talking about his tabelaa to the minister, he uses the small paperweight with a national flag mounted on it and moves it over Jammu and Kashmir). And for those who miss taglines, please note that writer/director Nabhkumar 'Raju' did not forget: it's aaj isako ... kal tereko: a line uttered later on in the movie by Sharad Kapoor's corrupt violent cop).


rakht: the gift of blood [September 26, 2004]

Enough electronic ink has been expended in providing a blow-by-blow account of the transformation of Sam Raimi's film into this desi departure. The actual experience of viewing Mahesh Manjrekar's latest directorial venture is a picnic in Nitwit Nagar. Manjrekar manages to gather a cast of worthless souls and attempts to imbue rich reading into source material (story and dialogue: deepak kulkarni; screenplay: yash-vinay) that was strictly my-class-trip-to-the-zoo material. Sandeep Chowta's background music only confirms the grimness of the proceedings. And there's Shashikala cameoing loudly as daadii. The only grace lies in Abhishek Bachchan's cameo (the look and dance for kya mai.nne sochaa/one love is just about the only good thing in the film). Looks like the little B is making great strides and defining new benchmarks in the field of guest appearances. And the other little cute thing in this film about disturbed people is that in the garage you can hear the radio streaming Mukesh's rendition of the title song of another movie about a disturbed person Raat aur Din. Unintentional, clearly. And while the subtitles abound with rib-ticklers: Shivaji Satam says maanav tum se shaadii karanaa chaahataa hai and the subtitles go Manav wants to marry me. Then again ta.Dap\-ta.Dapakar marogii tum becomes you will write and die. As if to support the linguistic ineptitude on the outside, the film features the word bhuut scrawled as bhut. Before we depart into the sunset, was Rita Bhaduri's appearance as Drishti's(Basu) mother credited?