Friday, April 22, 2011

the demonstrative manager

Allow me to introduce you to a burgeoning breed of managers. The ilk shares several traits with existing strains of Manageris Vulgaris, the genus of airheads sired by the booming industry of Information Technology in the South Asian continent (to be more precise, the land of Bhaarat). Familiar is the curious talent for lapping up the noodles of crapspeak (going forward, synergy, stakeholders) while remaining clueless about the fundamental elements of English grammar (the question mark and the period are used interchangeably and one often has to read the email aloud with various emotional and tonal flourishes to determine which mark of punctuation would be most appropriate; brevity is replaced by a mouthful of randomly abbreviated words that make you wonder if the writer was in a hurry to get to a rendezvous with Mother Nature).

The new mutation of this species has a fresh appreciation for deixis. To understand what such an individual means in a single sentence without any context is more challenging that deciphering a haiku written by Mirza Ghalib. Consider the following example:

You send me those. I will check if that is what all people is doing. If yes, then we will have to do this.

The writer of this wondrous explosion of verbiage would have been so much more comfortable writing monologues for the Oracle in The Matrix than being effective in professional communication.

I leave you with a sample from a less-qualified exponent of this demonstrative delivery. Fear not, dear reader, for this person will also rise in the ranks and demonstrate some fantastic foinery:

Right now we are doing like that only. If we do like this then we need to [...]

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