tiberius now

Who would have thought the finest tribute to William Shatner's unique style of interpreting his lines as Captain James T. Kirk would come from a "news" channel back home? Consider as exhibits two samples, the first about the swindler's list and the second, a piece of fluff about Rahul Gandhi's car and security. Just as William Shatner would challenge the mundane benign cadence of a simple sentence and deliver instead strings of words separated at random by pauses or beats. Therein, for all we know, lay the origins of hip-hop. But that has to be a nugget for another day. In the meantime, we must return to Times Now's voiceovers.

Here's a fragment transcribed from the first exhibit. For sheer glee, I have chosen to let each beat function as the end of a line.

With Tehelka claiming
That these are the Indians
Who have stashed away their money in accounts abroad
(the narrative dies, yielding to a short video clip, before returning)
The debate on India's swiss secrets
Has only begun

And a sample from the second exhibit:

The first car in the conwoy
Zooms past
But for some reason
The second
Slows down
Inside
Is Rahul Gandhi
Clearly wisible
In these pictures
The team of Samajwadi Party workers
Tries climbing
Onto the car
The car starts mooing (moo-wing)...

Accept no substitutes. The original reigns supreme. As a final exhibit, I present Captain Kirk's motivational monologue from Return to Tomorrow.