Thursday, November 17, 2005

neal 'n' nikki: time to outsource our lyrics {other illustrious entries}

neal n nikki
After the "success" of Salaam Namaste (the film and the soundtrack), Yash Raj Films have decided to ride this hobby horse to the ground with their home-grown take on this currently successful piece of high concept. And the people behind the background score, Salim-Sulaiman, who made their mainstream music-directorial splash with Kaal (great for the ears, bad for the eyes), are roped in to do the hip honours. Someone called Anvita Dutt Guptan (watch that name; after the YRF publicity machinery is done inundating your senses and milieu with this film and all things associated, you will remember it well) gets to pen the lyrics. While S&S produce a reliable mix of sounds, it doesn't make as much of a splash as Kaal. And the terrible lyrics that draw attention to themselves are to blame, in all likelihood.

You know things are bad as soon as you take a look at the CD. Thought bubbles decorate a shot of Uday Chopra (fat arms, puny head, no talent) and Tanisha Mukherjee (is that how you spell it? With numerology and personal preferences, I'm lost) [who was one of the weak links in Sarkar and also played a character called Mehak {iTrans-pron: mahak} in that stinker (pun away) called S4H3...]. The gal's (that's Tanisha, FYI) thought bubble reads "Yuck! Puke! Tum Aur Main! Kabhi Nahin! You're A Jerk!" UC's bubble goes "Really! So Why Are You Giving Me That Come-On-Baby-Rock-My-World Look?" See, the use baby confuses me as far as UC is concerned. I'm sure the screenplay[sic] will make sure. The designated director for this piece of corn, BTW, is a dude by the name of Arjun Sablok (wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with the famous[sic] Sablok Clinic in Delhi), who was responsible for a piece of long-drawn tripe called Na Tum Jano Na Hum.

The tracks begin to play. A sample of the lyrics from the surefire hit title song (which, in order to guarantee appeal, even quotes the riff from DDLJ's tujhe dekhaa to ye jaanaa in post-modern agony) voiced by K K and Shweta Pandit with generous inputs from the lead pair.

mai.n shaayad chaar saal kaa thaa
jab mujhe pahalii baar pyaar huaa
usane mujhe dekhaa mai.nne use dekhaa
ham dono.n me.n iqaraar huaa
mai.n tab bhii kitanaa ##cool## thaa
jitanaa mai.n aaj huu.N
mai.n tab bhii ##super-cool## thaa
jaise mai.n aaj huu.N

female chorus: neal neal neal neal

##i'm the neal i'm the man rock star super star## (2)
o k ... so what about you? what's your story, girl?

well, mai.n to yuu.N dil de baiThii
jaane binaa mai.n pyaar kar baiThii
##i was nine## mai.nne use ##TV## pe dekhaa
##george michael## usakaa naam thaa

oh! that singer??! he's gay.
you know he (pause) swings the other way



um mai.n bahut chhoTii thii (pause) and anyways ...

##i knew## meraa shahazaadaa gho.De pe aayegaa
kaano.n me.n dhiire se wo yuu.N gunagunaayegaa

male chorus: nikki nikki nikki

she: yo!

female chorus/she:
##nikki bakshi sweet n' sexy full-on rocking hot an' happening## (2)


##two ones are two, two twos are four## ...

Go get yourself a copy and check out the rest of it while I LMAO.

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