no laughs, no vim, only mind-numbing jet lag

{being some thoughts on Garam Masala} [December 29, 2005]

winner of the Adulerated Milk Award: Marc Camoletti's play -> the 1965 film directed by John Rich -> the 1985 Malayalam version directed by Priyadarshan -> this lacklustre piece of existential stupefaction directed by Priyadarshan again

watching this film provides a close approximation to the spanish inquisition or other ways to make you tock

DOA just as priyadarshan's Hungama with everyone trying really hard to convince you that it's funny

John Abraham's performance seems like a cross between a Bruce Lee impersonation, an audition for a drag queen contest, a shower drain choked with seaweed,

Neeraj Vora's dialogue includes a bunch of tangential non sequiturs that stick out like sore tyrannosaurus rex power fingers; YT would wager that will a more competent cast (especially people who know that "comic timing" is as important in a comedy as the eggs in egg bhurjii)

just about every review of this film seems to be filled with hosannas; {a sample} methinks these people are either (a) failures of some experiment involving simian responses to documentary films on the mating habits of drosophila melanogaster or (b) ashamed to admit that they got duped into thinking that this might actually be a watchable film

as if rimi sen's true-to-life impersonation of a member of the ashikshit strii kaamagar varg wasn't bad enough, priyadarshan tosses in three sublime airheads who responded to the "wanted: cute dumb south bombay types with lots of yaa and ; officially they are called neetu chandran, daisy bopanna and nargis no-last-name {more} * to say that this film is rather anti-feminist (and pro-dumb) is putting it mildly, but it doesn't seem to have prevented it from being the big grosser that it is ... perhaps women folk were content to stare at akshay kumar and john abraham and sigh their woes away

rajpal yadav and paresh rawal are wasted, and there are moments where the latter has to do little more than flip the page of a magazine or effect a facial expression with consummate ease to highlight the incompetence of the "comic talents" pervading the film; and let's not forget Miss India 2002 Neha Dupe-ya.

go find a copy of the Malayalam source, and perhaps even the Tony Curtis/ Jerry Lewis original), or even a good performance of the source play

Pritam's mostly-pilfered songs provide much-wanted large speed bumps on a downward slope in the darkness ... YT prefers the late R D Burman's compositions for the Mehmood starrer from 1972 with the same title

the sensory Flashy assault on the official site uses 60s design for the titles and interestingly uses members of the cast to adopt salacious poses to form the letters in the English title ... somehow those visuals of Akshay Kumar and John Abraham grabbing at each other's assets[sic] aren't a good sight before dinner

obligatory Sholay reference: People on a yacht singing ye dostii ham nahii.n to.De.nge