Wednesday, April 28, 2010

reverse name mangling

Don't you get worried when you can't put your full name on forms in the US? Or in the corporate address book that most probably has the woefully inadequate fields First Name and Last Name (why didn't the designers think of such obviously essential fields like Family Name, Village Name, Genus and Phylum?). Yes, I'm talking to you Dasarath Venkata Subramania Varaprasad Balaji and Colonel Julius Nagendranath Wilfred Singh. Doesn't your temperature rise when you hear 'em knock the sails out of all the love and adoration infused in your big long tongue-twisting name by those who named you? Aren't you enraged when the mutilators of your moniker are shameless enough to butcher your name even when you've been accommodating enough to just provide a first name and last name? Here's your chance to take revenge. All you to do is be prepared with an arsenal of names of the Indian disposition and proceed to convert the American names to suitable alternatives that are kinder to the tongue. Then proceed to use them instead of the originals (make sure you protect yourself with COBRA if you do this at work and have a good lawyer in any case). Here are a few examples to get your started: Chris becomes Krishna (although several Krishnas have probably changed to Chris to accommodate their capitalist masters); Scott becomes Saket; Mike becomes Mukul (it's easy to see how when you consider "Michael"); Smith becomes Samanth; Jones could become Joshi or Jonnalagadda; David Koppel becomes Dawood Koppula, but it might smell of the case of Sikhs named Abdullah Khan and Dost Akbar; Norris Pendegrass becomes Naresh Pendharkar. The rest is up to you hippomonstro-sesquippedaliomaniacs. Play it again Sameer.

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