Friday, April 22, 2011

the demonstrative manager

Allow me to introduce you to a burgeoning breed of managers. The ilk shares several traits with existing strains of Manageris Vulgaris, the genus of airheads sired by the booming industry of Information Technology in the South Asian continent (to be more precise, the land of Bhaarat). Familiar is the curious talent for lapping up the noodles of crapspeak (going forward, synergy, stakeholders) while remaining clueless about the fundamental elements of English grammar (the question mark and the period are used interchangeably and one often has to read the email aloud with various emotional and tonal flourishes to determine which mark of punctuation would be most appropriate; brevity is replaced by a mouthful of randomly abbreviated words that make you wonder if the writer was in a hurry to get to a rendezvous with Mother Nature).

The new mutation of this species has a fresh appreciation for deixis. To understand what such an individual means in a single sentence without any context is more challenging that deciphering a haiku written by Mirza Ghalib. Consider the following example:

You send me those. I will check if that is what all people is doing. If yes, then we will have to do this.

The writer of this wondrous explosion of verbiage would have been so much more comfortable writing monologues for the Oracle in The Matrix than being effective in professional communication.

I leave you with a sample from a less-qualified exponent of this demonstrative delivery. Fear not, dear reader, for this person will also rise in the ranks and demonstrate some fantastic foinery:

Right now we are doing like that only. If we do like this then we need to [...]

Monday, April 18, 2011

smart little 555

image courtesy: http://www.555soaps.co.in I've just started reading The Third Deadly Sin by Lawrence Sanders, the last (I had started with The Fourth Deadly Sin, returned to The First Deadly Sin and wrapped up The Second Deadly Sin two days ago) and page 15 had an interesting little nugget:

Homicide at the Grand Park on February 15th. Victim of stabbing: George T. Puller, 54, white male, of Denver, Colo. Anyone with information relating to this crime please contact Detective Sergeant Abner Boone, KL-5-8604

KL-5 is nothing by 555, that favourite exchange of movies and TV shows (and books, as this exhibit reveals).

And now, back to familiar tropes and Delaney's sandwiches.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

the tome of my god

His name is Eli and he is on his way to the west in a post-apocalyptic world. He is played by Denzel Washington and that was not all that made me think of Will Smith (I Am Legend). The montage set to How can you mend a broken heart? took me back to the frivolous bit of bathing in I, Robot while Stevie Wonder's Superstition played on. But I do the the Hughes Brothers great injustice by reaching out for such comparisons. They didn't rub it in that Eli was so fitting a name for a man walking across the country with the Bible (hint: Psalms 22:2-3). They kept the tone of the film consistent without getting enamoured of the special effects (even though some of the heavy digital dressing of the skyscape was a bit too obvious). I had enjoyed the way the attack on the house was presented -- thanks to careful planning and obvious post-production -- as a seamless adventurous shot with the camera tracing arcs that never distracted me and kept me interested in the action. I liked how elements from the western (a lone man drifting through towns, people building communities and worlds for themselves and a character humming a tune by Ennio Morricone) were mixed into the film without making it an exercise in blending genres; the narrative never yielded to exposition in order to tell us more about how the world had ended up this way -- it remained first a drama, a tale of conflict between people and values and a story of a personal quest. I could forgive the obligatory product placement, because the brands

The Hughes Brothers also gave me a chance to see another wonderful performance by Denzel Washington. Interestingly enough, it was the ending of the film that sealed it. What was otherwise an (as always) earnest measured performance became a very careful honest subtle interpretation. I went back to the beginning and started watching scenes, listening to lines, watching the big fight scene (and realising how the inspiration for it also made sense) and admiring just how honest everybody had been to me. The quote from Johnny Cash (Live at Folsom Prison) which had elicited a mild chuckle now seemed to mean even more. I found myself adding more meaning to the way scenes had played out.

I also found myself thinking about the ideas that the film had explored, even though I was not too convinced that the film had handled them well. The film could not resist the temptation to remain, despite its ambition, something better for the average viewer than the mindless action flick. There was more restraint, but there were also the familiar lapses that irked (the gun with infinite ammunition, for example). Although I would still pick The Road for being a more compassionate, subtle, complex exploration of the human condition in a post-apocalyptic world, I enjoyed The Book of Eli for being so much better than I had expected it to be.

Monday, April 11, 2011

when wisecracks collide

I was watching Taken once again and there was a point in the film where Liam Neeson meets an old collaborator in France and utters one of many memorable lines I am retired, not dead.

Some time later, I was back to reading The Second Deadly Sin by Lawrence Sanders. Edward X. Delaney has struck a conversation with bartender Harry Schwartz, who has recognised him from when he was Chief of Precinct 251. As the content flows from page 12 to page 13, Schwartz has asked Delaney what he has been up to, since he is no longer with the force:

"This and that," [Delaney] said vaguely. "Trying to keep busy."
The bartender spread his hands wide.
"What else?" he said. "Just because you're retired don't mean you're dead. Right?"

Go figure.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

cobb county's evil sense of humour

National Library Week starts on April 10. This makes the timing of the shocking blow to the Cobb County Library System (CCPL) proposed in the budget for the County of Cobb in Georgia rather unfortunate. In brief: 13 of the 17 CCPL branches will be shut down indefinitely. If you are a resident of Cobb County and care about the library system, please consider getting the word out, joining the community set up on Facebook, sending an email supporting the libraries to BudgetComments@cobbcounty.org or even attending the Cobb County Board of Commissioners Meeting on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 9 a.m. in the BOC Room, 2nd Floor, 100 Cherokee St., Marietta. You can even send an email to the commissioner of your district; the email addresses are available on this page hosted by the Save Cobb Libraries community on Facebook.

PS: For what it's worth, you're living in a county that (a) deems it financially sound to add faux brick linings on Akers Mill Road (b) proposes trimming firefighting and emergency services (c) runs a crippled limited bus service that does not run on Sunday (and also faces cuts for the 2011 budget).

april 12, 2011: The BOC meeting ended today morning and the libraries will stay. You could look at this as a victory for all those patrons of the libraries, who made their support known or wonder if the governing entities of the county were merely emulating what their cousins on Capitol Hill did last week with the scare of a government shutdown. In any event, venture forth to your friendly neighbourhood library and greet the relieved staff with your biggest smile and check out a few books, a movie or two or just flip through the newspapers or magazines. Don't forget, it's National Library Week.

staying away from meat in the USA

(It turns out that when people say "meat" in the USA, they do not include fish, so don't get confused when you hear the phrase "meat and fish"; I do not see the difference so when I say "meat" I also consider "fish"

If you are not a carnivore and landed in the US of A, finding out that this made eating out quite challenging probably did not take too long. As time went by, you've also (hopefully) figured out that "vegetarian" may not always imply the absence of animal tissue (exhibit A: "vegetarian beef"). You have also realised that sometimes the presence of meat is implied in the name or type of dish (exhibit B: eggs benedict; exhibit C: a burger). If you have not capitulated yet, rest assured. If you are lucky enough to live in a city whose denizens have a penchant for eating out, you are likely to benefit from the variety of cuisine offered by various eateries, both independent and chain. Sprawlopolis, GA, for example, offers several choices.

Indian restaurants have always been a safe bet. Any of those who genuflect to the udipi or sarvana calling will guarantee a menu free of all carnal pleasures (no pun intended). Even those that offer non-vegetarian items can be relied upon to do justice to paneer, paalak, chanaa and lentils. Thai restaurants are tricky: you have to be sure that your "vegetarian soup" does not contain "fish sauce" (an ingredient that is perhaps as much a staple as wine in French cuisine). Burger joints are best avoided as are some casual dining chains whose vegetarian fare is an insult (exhibit D: T. G. I. Friday's). Mex-Mex and Tex-Mex restaurants fare marginally better, but it often seems like they make up for the absence of meat with bland frijoles and generous cheese.

This leaves us with some other chains that do rather well with meatless offerings. California Pizza Kitchen has an interesting array of pizzas, each marked by interesting combinations of ingredients. Several of these pizzas are vegetarian by design (with an extra charge for adding some form of meat) and some even have a vegetarian alternative at no extra price. You can also ask them to skip the meat if it's one of the ingredients.

I was surprised to have not noticed Mellow Mushroom's vegetarian options. There was always the possibility of substituting chicken with tofu in the hoagies and the standard Cheese pizza exists for vegetarians, but I had never quite noticed things like the Magical Mystery Tour, Gourmet White, Mega Veggie or the Kosmic Karma, both of which make vegetarians feel at home instead of n-class citizens who have to suffer tasteless fare while their chomp on animal protein.

Even though you could have choose not to have your hash browns at Waffle House without the ham or the chili, you would be well advised to note that everything gets cooked on the same grill. This means that, technically, there could be some animal fat in that otherwise tasy order of scattered, smothered and peppered hash browns.

Breakfast/brunch chains like The Flying Biscuit and J. Christopher's are safe places to catch a vegetarian bite (I just wish such places would not charge you extra for egg whites). The Flying Biscuit wins over J Christopher's for the presence of tofu and soysages on its menu.

Cafe Sunflower is a great place to dine at, if you want to give your brain a rest, order anything on the menu (because everything is vegetarian) and don't mind coughing up a few extra dead presidents for it. Getting to the branch at the intersection of Roswell and Hammond can be a challenge since it's a cramped intersection teeming with cars and the occasional MARTA bus, but if you're lucky, a trip on the weekend will be peaceful.

It has been a long long time since I ate at R. Thomas, but it's hard to beat (or miss) this unique funky independent eatery that was the first place I had seen a menu with the word "vegan" on it.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

linky dinky

The Wall Street Journal has an article that tells us things we already know: India churns out a lot of graduates from a system that is rife with insufficient funding, peppered with corruption and laced with stale knowledge; these graduates don't really cut it when it comes to the jobs that have flooded the market and contributed to all the "prosperity" the nation seems to be enjoying (the call centre kind). I liked what Vijay Thadani of NIIT had to say: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

I have been learning and using git for quite some time now and my experience with the DVCS (although not as D as I would have hoped it would be) has been fun so far (endorsements from various open source projects and enthusiastic presentations from the likes of Matthew McCullough have also helped). Windows is still a secondary platform for it and EGit offers IDE integration but is still in incubation. That's why I always wondered about that other DVCS that I had heard people talk about: Mercurial. I had heard about it first from a friend at Sun as they were moving to it. That was probably when the OpenJDK project moved over to Mercurial as well. Mercurial is written in Python and when Python moved over to Mercurial, it seemed to make a strange kind of sense (the dogfood kind). The reasons, however, were more interesting and backed by some thorough investigation. Simply put, the team chose something that would meet the needs of the developers as much as possible. The articles about the journey from PEP 374 to PEP 385 have been very interesting. They will also help me learn how to use Mercurial and MercurialEclipse.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

tiberius now

Who would have thought the finest tribute to William Shatner's unique style of interpreting his lines as Captain James T. Kirk would come from a "news" channel back home? Consider as exhibits two samples, the first about the swindler's list and the second, a piece of fluff about Rahul Gandhi's car and security. Just as William Shatner would challenge the mundane benign cadence of a simple sentence and deliver instead strings of words separated at random by pauses or beats. Therein, for all we know, lay the origins of hip-hop. But that has to be a nugget for another day. In the meantime, we must return to Times Now's voiceovers.

Here's a fragment transcribed from the first exhibit. For sheer glee, I have chosen to let each beat function as the end of a line.

With Tehelka claiming
That these are the Indians
Who have stashed away their money in accounts abroad
(the narrative dies, yielding to a short video clip, before returning)
The debate on India's swiss secrets
Has only begun

And a sample from the second exhibit:

The first car in the conwoy
Zooms past
But for some reason
The second
Slows down
Inside
Is Rahul Gandhi
Clearly wisible
In these pictures
The team of Samajwadi Party workers
Tries climbing
Onto the car
The car starts mooing (moo-wing)...

Accept no substitutes. The original reigns supreme. As a final exhibit, I present Captain Kirk's motivational monologue from Return to Tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

unintentional multilingual woes of a tool for computational linguistics

I stumbled upon the home page for a toolkit for those interested in various matters germane to computational linguistics while searching for information about Eclipse and 64-bit Windows 7 (how much conflict can one ask for?). If you know Hindi (or Marathi), you know why I had to leave my desk laughing when I saw the name of the toolkit (no pun intended there). Seriously!

offshore rush hour

I see a lot more of the kerfuffle at ramps and roads and badly synchronised traffic lights leading to the various interstates today. This could clearly be just a combination of the rains that have subsided, the time and the general preponderance of unscalable urban design. It could also be because a lot of people are rushing to work to get a few really productive hours, because their counterparts across the shores are busy watching the India/Pakistan cricket match today. No more phone calls laced with blather; no more nighmarish vistas of horrible code. Just some peace and quiet. Unless the gamesmen of the tricolour decide to emulate dominoes, of course.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

bing goes boing with axis2

If you've read posts hereabouts before, you know quite well how I feel about Axis2. You will understand, I hope, my lack of surprise at finding yet another piece of elegant congruence that Axis2 had wrecked by usurping the throne from ye olde Axis. Axis worked well with Commons HTTPClient and that library from the Apache Commons, like so many others, made life easier for a lot of developers. When Axis2 reared its ugly head from the sea of mediocrity and ambitious juvenile over-engineering, it made sure that this association was squashed. Here is how.

Have you ever tried using the Bing Maps web services using Axis? The curious aspect of these web services lay in how one had to request a token. This amounted to a request that used digest authentication instead of basic authentication. This was not such a problem if you had used ye olde Axis.

Unfortunately, you had moved into the future and had generated client code using the WSDLs and the tools in the JAX-WS RI. You then prepared to use this code atop the Axis2 JAX-WS stack (at which point you did not heed the pealing of alarm bells in the distance). Voila! The stack could do nothing for the first HTTP 401 response. There you were, in the middle of the ocean, staring at sharks as they discussed the latest episode of the hottest new sea soap opera, while waiting for a good time to transfer you to the dinner plate.

You had seen this code work with the standard Java Development Kit. Why was Axis2 being so different and difficult? You look at the code you wrote to use the generated client classes to see what you did wrong, to see if you had missed a step. You see the call to Authenticator.setDefault with the credentials. You know this is all you need to do. And yet.

Oh! goes your brain. Axis needed the Commons HTTPClient to help it with digest authentication. Surely, Axis2 could use Commons HTTPClient as well (after all, some of the developers on Axis2 had also committed code to Commons HTTPClient). You open axis2.xml and the first wave of horror hits you. The configuration already uses a class derived from Commons HTTPClient. The second wave of horror hits you almost immediately. They wrote their own middling class that left all the glory of Commons HTTPClient behind and treated it now as a messenger.

At this point, you hunt for something to hurt, wound, maim and dismember as you gnash your teeth.

Miraculously, Commons HTTPClient has a few tricks of its own and all you really need is the magic below.

import org.apache.commons.httpclient.Credentials;
import org.apache.commons.httpclient.UsernamePasswordCredentials;
import org.apache.commons.httpclient.auth.AuthScheme;
import org.apache.commons.httpclient.auth.CredentialsNotAvailableException;
import org.apache.commons.httpclient.auth.CredentialsProvider;
import org.apache.commons.httpclient.params.DefaultHttpParams;

    CredentialsProvider provider = new CredentialsProvider()
    {

      @Override
      public Credentials getCredentials(AuthScheme scheme, String host,
          int port, boolean proxy)
          throws CredentialsNotAvailableException
      {
        Credentials creds = 
           new UsernamePasswordCredentials("BingMapsUserName",
                           "BingMapsPassword");

        return creds;
      }
    };

    DefaultHttpParams.getDefaultParams().setParameter(
        "http.authentication.credential-provider", provider);

And that, as several not-so-famous people have said before, is all. You can get rid of Authenticator.setDefault(new AuthenticatorImpl("BingMapsUserName", "BingMapsPassword")). Don't forget to replace BingMapsUserName and BingMapsPassword with the values that you use. I'm sure you can figure that out. If you can't, you deserve to continue reaping the benefits of Axis2.

As soon as you find the right opportunity, walk away very slowly from Axis2. Go find something else that doesn't look like a school project.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

the king has not left the building

I love the cover of Full Dark, No Stars. I also like how it assures me that Mr. Stephen King has not cast off his writing cape and settled down into a chair to watch the sunset. A diet of Harlan Ellison seems to have eroded my ability to welcome and relish a large novel. I seem to prefer starting off with a few short stories before progressing to novellas. This might explain why Lisey's Story still stands unread on my bookshelf. This was despite the fact that Cell and Duma Key went back to the library shelves after I had read and enjoyed them, as did Under the Dome. Then again, Just after Sunset didn't work that well for me. It was as uneven as King's previous collections, but Full Dark, No Stars has changed all that. Perhaps this is because novellas seem to strike a good balance between short stories and novels. The four stories in this compilation contain all the elements familiar to fans of King's work -- 1922 mixes times of depression with an ode to Bonnie and Clyde and serves it up with elements from Poe. The story is narrated by Wilfred James, who confesses to and describes the murder of his wife. The narrative isn't as feverish as that of The Tell-Tale Heart and when the story is done, you may wonder if Mr. James was lying.

I had saved this novella for the end, but it was not a great way for me to end the collection. I should have tackled this right after my first pick, Fair Extension, where King explores the familiar Faustian bargain. Once Dave Streeter has signed the dotted line with George Elvid (hint: shuffle the letters in the last name), a cousin of Leland Gaunt, no doubt, King describes the unfolding of events like a long news story. It reminded me of Frederick Forsyth's The Art of the Matter.

Big Driver is the story of a woman who pays the price of taking a shortcut and then exacts her revenge. This is the stuff of EC comics with all humour of any kind stripped away. Rape is serious business and King makes sure every smile we crack is with Tess and never at her. The appropriate presence of films like The Last House on the Left and The Brave One is an Eastwoodian touch -- they do not beg to be treated as clever as they would have been in a Tarantino script.

A Good Marriage explores a good idea that I would imagine has been explored before (pointers welcome): imagine that you were the wife of someone like Mr. Brooks. Darcy Anderson discovers her husband's dark secret in a way that a character in a Stephen King story would and then tries to come to terms with it. King was inspired to write this story after the general public refused to accept that Paula Radar, the wife of Dennis Radar, the BTK killer, had been married to him for about thirty years and never knew anything about his evil deeds. The possibility is chilling as is the story.

Each story has a character killing someone (indirectly in Fair Extension) and ends with the character coming to terms with the deed, perhaps even being at peace after experiencing the moral conflict familiar to those who abhor violence. The writing is uncomplicated and boasts the ease, comfort and familiarity that King surely has come to enjoy after all these years. It's time to find a copy at a book sale and fill the spot once I (hopefully) manage to begin Lisey's Story.

Monday, February 28, 2011

ritchie don't lose that number

In Sherlock Holmes, 221B and its occupants get a makeover from Guy Ritchie that upsets everything serious fans of Conan Doyle's most famous creation and Jeremy Brett's interpretation have held dear. If, in addition to all this, you don't care much for the talented Robert Downey Jr. you might want to spare yourself the experience and find another film to watch. Lovers of the Baker Street trivia of the irregular kind (such as YT) will find much to relish in the various references peppering this film. My favourite is the following:

holmes: The question is not if but how. The game's afoot.
watson: "Follow your spirit..."
holmes and watson: "And upon this charge, cry god for Harry, England and St. George!"

I will not insult your holmesian intelligence by trying to explain why I think that is cool.

Watson is less of the bumbling self of the books and stories and more like the Watson in The Doctor's Last Case by Stephen King. This makes the leading characters intellectual equals who are drastically different psychologically and sets the stage for the kind of sparring that embellishes a buddy/action film ideal for the season. Lord Blackwood is a great villain and there are some expected setpieces to justify your overpriced ticket and popcorn, but the CG is painfully obvious in the final crash and bang sequences.

I have to confess being more entertained than shocked at Robert Downey Jr's interpretation of Sherlock Holmes. Jeremy Brett's definitive portrayal in the TV series had reportedly taken a toll on the late actor (in a manner similar to what the Joker had done to Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight). I don't see that happening here. Where Brett's Holmes is intelligent, cold, dispassionate, obsessive and depressive, the Sherlock Holmes of 2009 is smart, socially gauche, witty and often sarcastic and yet cares for Watson, respects his intelligence and is also not lacking a soul (watch the eyes). I also liked the short voiceovers representing the mind of Sherlock Holmes as he describes his moves when dealing with goons or boxing opponents. And I loved The Rocky Road to Dublin (used in the boxing sequence and the end credits), which, sadly, was not included on the official soundtrack release. Thankfully, I found a version on a compilation of hits by The Dubliners, and I'm now temporarily swaying and laughing to Irish jigs.

The inevitable sequel is underway and perhaps the mystery of the uncredited voice of Dr. Moriarty will also be solved soon. If they get the CG right (or perhaps get less ambitious with the stunts), this might be a series worth watching. Unless you are a purist. May the dog be with you.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

RIP pankaj advani

If you need evidence that Pankaj Advani was perhaps the best thing to happen to Bollywood in 2009, do yourself a favour and watch Sankat City. It is a wondrous mix of characters (consider for example, a small-time car thief who loves fish and can't stand killing or eating them or a loan shark who pronounces J as Z and has a fetish for dancing to Tamil songs with fat Madrasi girls), a zippy screenplay that mixes humour, violence, drama and surrealism and a great score by Ranjit Barot. Things tumble along like fervid dominoes until the intermission and the second half barely survives succumbing to SSH (Sagging Second Half), the congenital affliction of all Bollyflicks. Kay Kay Menon, Dilip Prabhawalkar and Anupam Kher, Virendra Saxena and ShriVallabh Vyas lead the performances. Any more footage devoted to Rimi Sen would have made it quite clear that the lass is no great shakes in the acting department. Chunkey Pandey manages to ham out of hand, but this mercifully remains compliant with the changing tone of the film -- at times darkly funny, at times strangely serious, at times morbid. One wonders how many such pearls were bouncing about in Pankaj Advani's imagination. He clammed up too early, depriving us of a fresh smart intellect and a promising cinematic voice.

बाबुराव सो गया

It all starts with the title. How does one creatively justify an ode to Bombay's gangster fact and the myth perpetuated by Bollywood that cops out with a title like Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai? The double i smacks of capitulation to astrological mores (should I be surprised given that Ekta "Balaji" Kapoor is the producer?). The choice of the new politically motivated, politically correct and logistically and sensibly offensive Mumbai instead of the more apt Bombay reeks of self-referential irony. A film celebrating our fascination with the underworld of Bombay has to yield to the pressures of a different clique of gangsters (referred to politely as politicians).

Once you get past the title and start hoping to celebrate the look and vibe of the period that the posters have whetted your appetite for, you realise that Luthria and Co. couldn't get their act together. All the visual texture of the film is sadly lacking. The annoying modern device of the steadicam (shakycam, unsteadicam, seasickvision) is seasoned with some unexciting camera setups and embellished by very terrible editing. These are things you could have ignored while watching those 70s powerhouse flicks celebrating machismo and superb dialogue-writing from Salim-Javed had the lines been spoken by the modern equivalents of Amitabh Bachchan and Vinod Khanna. Alas, you have to make do with Ajay Devgan (or Devgn as he wishes to spell it now -- he's only one vowel shy of becoming Bollywood's Mxyzptlk) and Emraan Hashmi. While Devgn's sincerity prevents you from getting really upset with him trying his best to hold up a role that is unmistakably fashioned as a tribute to Amitabh Bachchan's ouevre (Deewar, Trishul, Kaala Patthar). Costumes can only help a man so much. Devgn just doesn't have the charisma to make Sultan Mirza as engaging as Vijay (a Mercedes Benz with a 786 number plate is a great way to pay tribute to history and pop culture, but doesn't match up to a बिल्ला). Devgn was far better as Malik in Company, which was a far better film if you were looking for a modern take on the Bombay underworld.

Even talking about Emraan Hashmi's presence in the film would be giving him more credence that he deserves. Nothing has changed really since he chewed cinema screens while screaming his lungs out under the pretence of acting in Footpath. You cheer each time he is beaten up and cringe every time he gets upset. Vivek Oberoi, in his début, fared far better in Company.

The women (Prachi Desai, Kangana Ranaut) remain human versions of low-fat salad dressing and make all those trite parts for heroines in the revenge flicks of the 70s and 80s seem better written and better developed.

And then you have the songs where Pritam delivers the goods for a saleable soundtrack but fails to choose arrangements and styles appropriate for the period. A remix of R. D. Burman's 70s hit duniyaa me.n is quite strange for a film that is set in the same time period. Why not just pepper the soundscape with songs of the time? Since each song is non-diegetic and only employs the familiar Bollywood tropes, this department delivers a complete dud.

The biggest gripe, perhaps, is that the sum of all this merits the use of an adjective last appropriately used in Chemistry classes when discussing helium, neon, argon, kryton, xenon and radon. It's as inert as they come. Luthria may have succeeded in creating the largest, most expensive cure for insomnia ever in Bollywood. The film almost makes Govind Nihalani's Party look like a summer action blockbuster in comparison.

Milan Luthria's filmography gives me the impression that he might be capable to delivering something interesting while never departing from the conventions of Bollywood. Unfortunately, the problem of delivering more promise than product plagues all his stuff that I have seen including Deewar: Let's Bring Our Heroes Home and Taxi No. 9211. There are rumours that a sequel is in the works with the focus moving from Haji Mastan and Varadarajan Mudaliar to Dawood Ibrahim. Don't hold your breath. Go watch Nayakan, Deewar and Company again instead.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

suprise! i'm turning

Georgia state law requires that turn signals be installed and functional when you are selling a car. Surely this means that the buyer and subsequent user of the car should use it. Why then do so many drivers glide across lanes and weave through lines of cars without ever letting you know what they are about to do? Don't they understand that they are contributing to the danger of driving?

What is so important that you have to zip out into the right lane from behind me, zoom ahead and zip back in front of me and past me into the left lane and onward (without ever flashing either the right or left turn lights), when we are destined to see each other at the next light?

Do you think you will be struck down by lightning if you miss that turn into the Papa Johns passing by? If not, why do you insist on suddenly stopping and whipping to the right, startling the person driving behind you? I'd understand if you were a felon and I was a police man chasing you with the lights atop my cruiser flashing loud, but you aren't a felon and I am not chasing you.

There is also a very special group within this large horde of those who abhor turn lights. This group specialises in occasionally using the turn lights. These occasions are also quite remarkable. A typical driver belonging to this group is seen to zip or glide from one lane to the next without ever tapping that lever sticking out of the steering column. This driver then ends up in a left-only lane or a right-only lane and then promptly sets his/her turn light on to let you know that he/she wishes to turn left in a left-only lane or turn right in a right-only lane. Is there no room between minimalism and redundancy for courtesy?

cook, don't laugh

I bear no ill will to those who painstakingly put up blog after blog with post after post dedicated to all sorts of traditional dishes from all over India. I really can't help convulsing in tears of laughter when I read pages like this. The typos are both harmless (protiens instead of proteins) and howlarious (sweat instead of sweet). The e gets knocked off the edge of minute and peel becomes peal (the transitive slicing of tapioca -- spelled tapyoka through -- becomes intransitive ringing). You drop an e at the wrong place and something as simple as make the[sic] paste of cumin seeds becomes make the past of cumin seeds (when was the last time you heard of जीरा getting into the witness protection programme?). And what does one make of Peal the Kappa and boil till soft (around 15 minuts)in sufficient water after it become soft, stain the water.? stain the water? with a flourish like Jackson Pollock? Still, at the end of it all, मसालेदार कप्पा is ready for consumption.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

from a distance

SRK's upcoming flick Ra.One is, no doubt, meant to dispell all the bad memories you may have had after watching Mani saar's paean to mud-covered hams leaping from precipices into picturesque waters. The poster on the wikipedia page dedicated to the film is another matter altogether. It appears, at first glance, to be a tribute to some of the works of Salvador Dali (consider, for example, Fifty Abstract Paintings Which as Seen from Two Yards Change into Three Lenins Masquerading as Chinese and as Seen from Six Yards Appear as the Head of a Royal Bengal Tiger, a copy of which you can see here). How else does one explain the tagline introducing gone? ग़ायब आया? It is only when one sits on the camera dolly and moves in closer that one appreciates the importance of punctuation. The tagline, correctly read, is introducing g.one. Whether you had learnt Hindi in school or from Bollywood, you know that g.one is, while complying with the nomenclature adopted for all hamdroids in this flick, a riff on जीवन (aka life). Like that old song ये जीवन है (aka this is life). The singular theme is, unless one is digging too deep into the septic tank of pop culture, a tribute to what was supposed to be the cinematic début of the offspring formerly (and still) known as Mimoh. What other offerings will this anuptamaniacal film have? How about what comes after six? (answer: say.one)? Or the hamdroid working in the USA for an Indian consultant? (answer:h.one)? Whom am I trying to kid? (answer: no.one).

Monday, January 24, 2011

reading list for word snobs in the wings: a guest post on tender leaves

My dear friends BVHK and Sudarshan have been kind enough to solicit a guest post from me, wake me out of my lassitude to get it done and finally publish it on the Tender Leaves blog. It's verbal diarrhoea dedicated to some books on the English language and its usage that I have enjoyed reading. You won't find any stuffy academic tomes listed there; only doses of the best medicine to season interesting ways of learning things that seemed so tedious in school.

What is Tender Leaves, you ask? It's an unreasonable question if you're from Pune. I have the public libraries to sate my hunger for the printed word, but you really don't. Look no further. Sign up and start turning 'em pages.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

pancham: 17 years of a void

the flanger. the maadal tara.ng. the soda bottle. the school bell and the bucket. the metal reco-reco. niitaa. shabanam. the vocoder. nisha. sweetheart. monica. that primal scream. that guttural gravelly voice. the changing time signatures. the ambitious preludes. the energetic interludes. the polyphonic experiments with singers. The Guru of Groove lives on in his legacy: a kaleidoscope of melodies both deceptively simple and intricate along with arrangements both infectious and ostentatiously manic.
 
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