Thursday, February 19, 2004

hum to mohabbat karega [short version: Eyewitness {Rottentomatoes page} with songs]

It's not bad enough to see a cute-faced monkey called Bobby Deol hop about the screen delivering bad lines in the most pathetic fashion ever. It's not bad enough to see the overrated Karisma Kapoor pound another strong hint that she is not acting material at all. It's not bad enough to see the name Majrooh Sultanpuri associated with such terrible lyrics (Although, as with Jaanam Samjha Karo, I suspect that this has something to do with the creative[sic] aura of Anu Malik). It's not bad enough to hear Anu Malik recycle his recyclable and recycled tunes to give us one bad song after another (and there are SO many). It's not bad enough to see Vijay Kashyap doing a strictly-for-the-money role. It's not bad enough to hear terrible dialogue (although "baap tilak beTaa kaatil" is a gem). It's not bad enough to see 80s style opening titles, clichéd devices like hiding a video tape in a copy of the Bhagvad Gita (as the old saying about old wine and new bottles goes, the only thing different is the edition!). It's not bad enough that promising surreal sequences (Bobby Deol having memories of a place he has never been to, of a Buddhist monk striking a gong, of an abandoned temple) are exploited for the sole purpose of wasting film footage and providing preludes to tired song n' dance numbers. It's not bad enough to see the supporting cast competing for hamming trophies. It's not bad enough to see goons called Raahuu and KeTuu. It's not bad enough to wonder what the point of all those mouth-to-mouth kissing scenes is. It's not bad enough to see a joke set up involving Sadashiv Amrapurkar shooting a bad mouse. It's not bad enough to see another promising comic setup at dhobii ghaaT break abruptly to another song n' dance routine. It's not bad enough to see the Mona Lisa effect exploited in a photograph used to provide directions to the repository for a videotape (see Bhagvad Gita note above). It's not bad enough that you have seen the basic plot elements in a film called Eyewitness. What really sucks is the director of this sorry piece of guano is a guy called Kundan Shah, who was a key player in giving us one of the best comedies in Indian cinema, Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. Looks like the Bollywood virus is very powerful. It debilitates your creative ability, knocks out your talent, and replaces it with an uneducated desire to survive and make moolah. At the expense of hapless trusting lovers of interesting cinema. BOO!

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