whither culture

nice little post from Arun Simha. Includes a note about travesties such as The Show FKA SaReGaMa[Pa] and Shame Gurukul. And the inevitable (and unfortunate) Quizman's Laws, a reflection of nobrow:

1. All popular culture is dictated by the lowest common denominator.
2. Simplistic, mass-oriented output (tv, books) will always generate more revenue than high-quality, long-lasting good output.
3. The marketing folks will always dictate the creative content, regardless of supposed "no-interference" policies.

ups and downs [tip nod: sudarshan]

Resident Rediff film critic Raja Sen garners some brownie points with the specious superficial (but still useful, if only for visibility) special on Vishal's Ruskin Bond adaptation The Blue Umbrella (Wow! This is only the second RB adaptation, the first being Benegal's Junoon). He also loses points for letting cognitive interference get to him when he notes that Federico Fellini made The Godfather. If you can't enough of RS, try the second chat in two months.

hindi song mondegreens

Having sired several wonderful efforts, Vinay presents another interesting offering: man-bol, dedicated to mondegreens in Hindi songs. The site uses iTrans extensively. To quote Vinay, "Explore, contribute, get surprised, have fun." And email any comments/suggestions you have to giitaayan at gmail dot com.

he ... the only one

That's the name of Mimoh's [ye kaun hai?] first release, a remake of a Telugu flick called Athanokkade. Produced by G.V. Prasad. Directed by Dhanraj. Lyrics by Sameer. Music by Himesh Reshammiya. The launch is tomorrow, December 07, 2005.

and now, rediff's entertainment[sic] editor [previous thread in the Rediff-chat-coverage department]

answers questions from avid Rediff readers.

Q : Why are there no good children's movie[sic]?
Ronjita Kulkarni : Children's films in India are poor-quality films. Special effects is one area Bollywood hasnt been able to master yet.

Implications: a movie with SFX is a children's film; children's films need to have SFX.

Interestingly:

Q: which is your fave hindi film forever?
Ronjita Kulkarni : I loved Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi. My all-time fave.

Horrifying:

Q: it would be great if Amir khan would make an epic gangster film with sanjay leela bhansali shot somthing like maqbool or the godfather but different with shakespeare type u know it would be great for slb to try a different genre
Ronjita Kulkarni : Yes, it would be nice to see Bhansali doing a gangster movie!

This transcript is intuitively titled Filmi fundas from the horse's mouth

strings of life

Sanjay Gupta scores his first ace with Zinda by roping in Bilal Maqsood and Faisal Kapadia (aka Strings) to do a song for the soundtrack. ye hai merii kahaanii is classic Strings material and a very very enjoyable track. The video, shot in B&W, features the two lead annoyances of the film, Sanjay Dutt (busting his chops trying to show off playing the drums) and John Abraham (mouthing some verse smack in the middle of the song). Both Dutt and Abraham also figure on the original track, and this takes some coolness points away from the song.

The other famous soundtrack that Strings featured on was Spider-Man 2 (with naa jaane kyo.n). Technically, this is not the OST by an ancillary album of "music from and inspired by the film." What's interesting is that the American release listed on Amazon has Aerosmith's cover of the TV theme as track #19. The release that made it to India (IE-loving track listing on Sony India, review) substitutes Aerosmith's track with the Strings track.

Meanwhile, the producers of the original are intent on some serious action as far as this rip-off is concerned. Regardless of the fact that Gupta's ventures are usually accompanied by cool soundtracks, I hope something comes of this venture.

For those who've heard about the IFFI being held in Goa this year, Sanjay Gupta's been even more audacious by hogging the closing ceremony by inflicting his plagiarism on the audience. This guys has b***s, and he's going to lose 'em soon.

let's get things straight

An old trivia nugget surfaces online in the MSM (perhaps thanks to the Daniel Craig angle). Bond fans and general triviamongers have devoured this piece of information already: Monty Norman had reused a melody he had composed for a musical version of Naipaul's A House for Mr Biswas. Norman even won a libel suit against The Sunday Times when they credited the theme to John Barry. What really rankles me is the title of the news bit: Bond Music Is Bollywood Reject. Dudes! Bollywood refers to the Bombay-based film industry in India (responsible for producing piles of trash, littered with cheap rip-offs of flicks mostly from Hollywood). Methinks the name's quite apt, but the article is clearly in error. Nothing Bollywood about it. Pooh!

the panchammagic song of the fortnight

The folks at Panchammagic.org are a swell enthusiastic bunch, who've been responsible for organising two shows in Pune every year dedicated to the music of the late great R D Burman. The first is on Jan 04 (RDB's death anniversary) and the other on June 27 (RDB's DOB). They've had a wide array of themes and several generous guests both famous (Gulzar, Amit Kumar, Bhupinder, Shailendra Singh) to the lesser-known (Homi Mulla, the late Marutirao Keer, Manohari Singh, Nitin Shankar).

They've been running a series called "Song of the Fortnight" with articles on RDB's music and had been kind and generous to ask YT to write something up for the series. Since I sent my first article, a few more have made it to the page. Pointers follow (with only extracts, so that these guys get some more hits)

dha.Dakan pal pal / film: Arjun (1985) / lyrics: Javed Akhtar
...
The song opens with a spacey mix of sounds (dominated by a recurring synth motif and short flute passages) conveying a sense of mystery.

The electric guitar (which has a greater role to play later) makes its appearance with a few strums, as the music moves to a crescendo on the strings. Inexplicably, the music company (then MIL, now Universal) decided to exercise their "creative" veto and chopped off this opening minute of the song on subsequent non-vinyl releases.
... [more]

pyaar jab na diyaa / film: Sitamgar (1985) / lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri
The case of the "Sitamgar" soundtrack is a strange one. All the songs on this album were gems. Even the unreleased seldom-heard Shailendra Singh song "kisii Gariib ke dil se" (having had the privilege of hearing it a couple of times, I am willing to accept this as his best song ever) was testimony to Pancham's ability to elevate even mundane common place lyrics with his melodies and musical embellishments. Yet, the soundtrack languishes in the doldrums. It's very rare, and neither the CD nor tape is as easily available as some of his other soundtracks. You'll be in luck only if you snag a few of those rare compilations with strange names and manage to find a stray inclusion. All this means that the soundtrack remains relatively "under-sung". Although the ISB transcriptions are almost all there, they can only present the lyrical content with hardly any hint of what Pancham had to offer to the song. It thus seems fitting to choose a song from the album (also the first song that I remember having heard from the list).
... [more]

har ek raasataa / film: Ameer Aadmi Gharib Aadmi (1985) / lyrics: Nida Fazli
In the early-to-mid 80s R. D. Burman was very busy. He boasted a full workload and was a favourite of the big banners. One camp of listeners lauded his creativity while another contended that he was overworked and headed for burnout. What could not be denied was the persistent diversity in his music. He continued to be a favourite for new launches: directors and actors making their débuts (and sometimes even their shot at a second coming). Amjad Khan was one such example. The talented actor chose Pancham as the music director not just for his directorial début (Adhura Aadmi), but also for the next two films he would helm (Chor Police, Ameer Aadmi Gharib Aadmi). Reportedly, these were above-average efforts and indicated that Amjad Khan was definitely a cut above the rest in mainstream filmmaking, but alas, the 80s did not prove to be a good time for either Amjad Khan or Pancham, who, as the 90s drew near, hit his worst streak of all time (paradoxically, so close to his winning run of work). He became box office poison, people withdrew from him, and he was left to watch one great song after another go down the drainpipe of anonymity as the films bit the dust at the box office (or worse, never made it to the box office). Amjad Khan had a couple of other movies to his name too, but these died either in pre-production or on their way to the marquee. And then there was Abhi To Main Jawaan Hoon.
... [more]

jiinaa to hai / film: Paanch Dushman (1973) / Daulat ke Dushman (1982) / lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri
This lament from Paanch Dushman found new listeners thanks to featuring (with the original film name), along with other rarities, on the splendid 2-CD compilation Tumse Milke from HMV (the first of hopefully many more collaborations between this music publishing behemoth and the cleansing efforts of Pancham Studios). Its previous CD avatar (CDF 120419) was one of several attempts by HMV at squeezing several less-lauded movie soundtracks onto CDs. There it shared space with Balika Badhu and Doosri Sita under its revised moniker Daulat ke Dushman.
...
The omission of the third allows the bass pattern to remain consistent throughout the song despite the shifts between a major and minor key. And in the mukha.Daa, the use of the F betrays an overlap of the prevailing E natural minor with E Phrygian. There's also the use of both sevenths, which would suggest the use of the harmonic minor scale.
... [more]

merii nazar hai tujhape / film: The Burning Train (1980) / lyrics: Sahir
...
Set primarily in Abminor in standard tuning (and liberally exploiting the natural harmonic and melodic variants), the song opens with a flourish of brass after which violins backed by chord strums on an acoustic guitar join in. A drum roll marks the end of this fragment as the bass guitar tumbles in overlapping percussion spliced across the left (claves) and right channels (hi-hat) complement off-beat chord stabs on the synthesizer. The string section joins with three-note-fragments starting on the second count of each measure. The chord strums continue on the acoustic guitar. A short solo phrase is up next on the electric guitar with the brass providing a resounding response at the end of it. The brass section launches into a four measure contribution, before a percussive improvisation section featuring, among other things, the bass guitar, a shaker, congas, the hi-hat and the triangle. As if this was not enough, RDB now throws in the South Indian element by introducing the mridangam, which then proceeds to accompany phrases played out on the sitar. The return to the western element isn't too far away as the next segment features melodic phrases and chords played out on an acoustic guitar while another acoustic guitar provides constant strums of chords. The trumpet replaces the first acoustic guitar for the coda of the prelude as the bass guitar punctuates the measures. The off-beat synthesizer stabs return with the shaker and the acoustic guitar to provide the rhythm introducing the song.
... [more]

rapchique

A quick note before the excitement[sic] dies down. The soundtrack {brief early mention} for Dev Anand's next opus Mr. Prime Minster has hit the stands and the airwaves. No idea about previews/promos on TV and the like, so someone please fill me in. Barring Sunidhi's chuii muii sii zi.ndagii by Darshan Dave, Bappi (/dev/anand's favourite from Awwal Number, Sachche ka Bol Bala (try ye hawaaye.n that begins in Rajesh Roshan mode and has the male and female voices going kiss me, kiss me), and associated with Hum Rahe Na Hum, the abandoned Vijay Anand-helmed projects Main Tere Liye and Jaana Na Dil Se Door) does the honours. The piece de resistance (nay, existence!) is undoubtedly the titular "rap" song written and performed in two flavours (English and Hindi) by Dev Anand. There're a lot of familiar samples on the tracks, but the clear winner (especially for those who forgot what a laughter-induced bellyache feels like) is a combination of Mr. Anand's poetry[sic] and rendition. This is Scatman John in slow-mo. On Tomorrow Never Knows John Lennon wanted to have a microphone placed in the centre of the studio while he was to be swinging on a rope in order to create a swirling effect(a Leslie speaker eventually did the needful). Sounds like Mr. Anand did something similar (perhaps minus the swinging-on-a-rope part). As soon as YT can figure out every word he butchers and every rhyme he drops, YT intends to share the goodies. In the meantime, here's a teaser:

betaaj baadashaah
man shahanashaah
na jeb me.n paisaa
na chaay me.n shakkar


Addendum [december 03, 2005]: Heard from Mr PM at the music release function.

##picture## bahut ##tight## ... shaayad mai.n isakaa ##interval## bhii nahii.n karuu.Ngaa ... log ghuse a.ndar aur dekh ke baahar aa gaye ... ##in one go##

##rap## is liye kyo.n ki ##rap## is ##picture## ke (pause; keeps making that famous right hand yo move) ##character## ko ##define## karataa hai (pause) achchhaa lagegaa ... log hameshaa puuchhate hai.n ##mister ... mister prime minister## kyaa hai ... to ##mister prime minister## ko mai.nne ##define## kiyaa hai ##rap## ke a.ndar ...

##mr prime minister## sirf mai.n hii soch sakataa ... aur koii nahii.n soch sakataa

misc thoughts

Chiranjit Goswami, in his review of Terry Gilliam's Tideland:

It's generally assumed that you have to enjoy watching a film in order to perceive that it has value. I'm not always sure this is the case for film enthusiasts. Personally, the experience of watching a film doesn't necessarily have to be enjoyable in order for me to consider the film to be worthy of merit, though it certainly helps. Occasionally, a film provides an excruciating viewing experience but also demonstrates great filmmaking skill, offers a novel viewpoint, or stimulates a provocative train of thought. Thus, enjoyment is not necessarily a requirement to making a quality film. However, as a personal requirement, a film that doesn't supply a pleasurable experience should at least be engaging on some level and absorb the viewer's attention.

Quixtar and Amway

My first exposure to this menace of Egyptian proportions came while I was at graduate school (officially graduated, but still not quite gainfully employed) here in the US of A. It started with a vague description from an Indian student who had worked with me as part of a research group, had graduated, and left town, but was back for a few days to visit. This was when I (having little other pressing activities) decided to go ahead and see what this vague "independent business" was all about. The traditional signs were manifest. This guy's "mentor" (another Indian) gave us the usual gaseous drivel about "retiring young", "legally making more money with less effort" and such. Selling the clichéd version of the American Dream. Now, I hadn't heard about either (honest). In retrospect, I wonder how I could have forgotten the big Amway office on the Bombay-Pune highway. But then, I wasn't terrorised back home by these money-hungry types. The presentation ended with most attendees (few that they were) not evincing too much interest. The prevalent mood seemed to be a mix of skepticism and doubt. Mercifully, things didn't go beyond this thanks to my inertia and general inaccessibility.

Flash-forward two years. I'm in Wal*Mart with friends. We'd all moved, and were stocking up for our respective new abodes. A guy accosted me in one of the aisles (paradoxically, I think this was the aisle where you found trash cans and the like). The usual introductions were exchanged. The notes about my name and where I might come from followed. I have to take some pride in sending this guy's assumptions for a toss thanks to the fact that my birth place (as indicated by my full name) was not the place I was "from" (the place of my schooling). The encounter was terminated with him giving me his business card.

Flash-forward to about a month or so later. I'm back in the same Wal*Mart. Same store, different people accompanying me. I see this guy approaching, and knowing what to expect, manage to make myself socially invisible. My roommate isn't so lucky, and ends up getting another business card. Being a nice guy, he also gives the guy our phone number. Being a reticent and guy, he proves to be inadequate as a prospective victim. A phone call arrives, inevitably, a few days later. But my roommate adroitly handles the situation and terminates further communication by expressing as much interest as a vegan would in a T-bone steak.

Flash-forward to January 2005. I'm back home in desiiland, out at dinner with a childhood friend. While catching up on what we've been up to since we last saw each other (roughly around the time I boarded my first flight out to Social Security land), he mentions that he and his wife have joined the Amway way of business, and he's looking forward to the possibilities. I'm shocked. I can't see how this friend, for what I know him to be, could make such a decision. That disappointment aside, he doesn't try to sell me on the idea. He doesn't try to turn this catch-up dinner into a mini-marketing fest. I note my aversion to all things Q and A. And we move on to other topics. I'm still rankled by the news, but I give him loads of points for "knowing" me and not trying to push his luck. Or was it because he knew I was not going to around in town for long and would thus fail to be a prospective multi-level marketing ally?

Flash-forward to about a week ago. Different roommates. Different location. We're now in the Indian store. I'm picking some B-movies to update our cache of movies. We're conversing in Marathi. A voice asks if we're Marathi speakers. We turn around. I recognise the guy. A peer from another department in my undergraduate days. And a fairly well-known guy too, especially given his success on both the academic front and on the extra-curricular front. It's great to see a familiar face from the past, and we're chatting for a good 20 minutes or more. A phone number is provided from our end so that we can get together some time, especially since he's new to this place (moved about 2 months ago or so), and some old acquaintances will always help. Yesterday, he calls. He'd like to come over today evening some time. Nothing strange about all this ... except he then drops the dreaded phrase "independent venture business." I give him the benefit of the doubt by not jumping to conclusions that this might be another Q* spiel. After all, I'd credit this guy with some basic common sense to see the thing for the sham it is. Yet, my suspicions are confirmed. My worst fears realised. Direct persistent questions are enough to inveigle the information. And I have to do something unfortunate. I have to politely caution him against even mentioning this should he still choose to pay us a visit. I have to tell him that no one in our apartment agrees with the Q* philosophy. And no, we don't think that simply answering "yes" to the question "Wouldn't you like to make more money?" means that we're gullible ninnyhammers ready to get sucked into an Egyptian sarcophagus. Irony: A re-run of The Mummy is playing on some cable channel.

In an IM conversation today, JR is reminded of an old post of Hirak's on the same issue. I manage to dig it up and the shock factor goes up. It's the same guy. Now, I don't think I harbour any remorse at what I did yesterday. I feel exploited (you meet me after all these years, and the first thing you think of is trying to snag me into some chicken-poop money-making scheme?), and that's a very good reason for me to stay away.

at the risk of being redundant, here's how/why Amway and the like suck

the peak of pointlessness

I'm convinced that the cream of our marketing talent finds gainful employment in Bollywood. Writing gaseous movie preview copy. Consider the "character sketches" provided for John Matthew Matthan's next venture Shikhar. We have peaks of ambition, idealism, conflict, deceit and devotion. And some nonsense about wine, women and wealth. Buried therein seems to be a conflict of environmental concern. And perhaps even a love triangle. And if you think the previews are going to give you some idea about what the film's about, perish the thought. The online preview merely provides a fragment from a jaded dance video for one of the songs on Viju Shah's soundtrack. How exciting. Clearly the people responsible for the character assassination and the people associated with producing previews were not on the same page. Or is the same peak? Time to jump off. Standing in line to pay your electricity bill seems more exciting.

As keen followers of movie naamakaraN ceremonies will know, Shikhar's moved from first being the moniker for a Ghai film starring Jackie Shroff with mijhik by A R Rahman (ishq binaa kyaa resurfaced on the Taal soundtrack). Then it reportedly landed in RGV's lap (although YT knows little else about this). Finally, JMM gets to use the name for his star vehicle.

old Factory notes about uxoricide [sep 18, 2005]

The problem with My Wife's Murder is nothing really happens. While debutante director Jijy Philip is supported in his steady efforts by an eager cast, there's a prevailing sense that there's some payoff at the end (and there isn't). Can't quite put my finger on it, though. All other departments function in the well-oiled fashion typical of RGV/Factory products. Anil Kapoor manages a great match between looks and a sincere portrayal of a husband tossed into a whirpool of confusion and remaining dangerously unperturbed on the outside. Suchitra Krishnamurthy makes a great corpse. Nandana Sen's performance eerily straddles a thin line between a ham sandwich and muster. The background score works for the most part. Boman Irani does his bit, although you get a strong sense that his take on the character belongs more in a Buñuel opus than here.

This isn't to say that the film's a tank like Vaastu Shastra. Call it my soft corner for RGV and his camp. I still think it's a fairly bold attempt at shaking mainstream audiences out of their formula-induced stupor. RGV's already eschewed all song-and-dance. And there's an emphasis on tightness in the different technical departments. Now we have this film, which refuses to yield to the temptation to spike its narrative with a few (clearly unnecessary) thrills. This modest effort thus works best as a challenge to the off-the-shelf component-based film production that seems rife in Bollywood today: Everything's a cliché everything induces a strong stench of déjà vu. All variations from the norm are coated in conventional foil (side-effect: any useful impact is dulled to the level of mashed potatoes without gravy). Hats off to RGV, even though I now wish the makers had (a) either retained the original ending of Madhyanam Hatya (could someone tell me who actually directed it? JDC or RGV?) (b) or gone ahead with the Galti Se/Jaan Boojh Ke experiment.

There are a few nice details evident in the film. There's the obvious irony (made even more obvious by a remark by Boman's character later on in the film) that a film editor manages to "edit" his wife out of his life.

Obvious excisions: the flashback montage when Ravi (Kapoor) tells Reena (Sen) the truth. A little more tightness in other sequences might have made this a leaner (and arguably better) effort.

Movie quote: The Boman subtext in the film seems to have come straight out of Hitchcock's Frenzy, where Chief Inspector Oxford tries (often in vain) to survive being a guinea pig for his wife's cooking experiments.

And that was all YT had to say about a film about nothing (which might disappoint people expecting a "thriller").

Question: Is it possible for the cops to have caught up with the bus?

mass mediocrity III: dream warriors [and this is how you get here]

The third edition in Rediff's change-the-ending game is a mixed bag featuring some nifty twisters but a lot more members of the "I don't really get it, I just want a happy ending" club. Time to change the ending of Titanic or even Gibson's brutal paean to Golgotha.

returns summer 2006 [Superman, that is]

The preview's out [mov link]. First good signs: it's just as sober about the red-underwear-outside-blue-tights super hero as the preview for Batman Begins was (not surprising since Bryan Singer chose to adopt the toned-down sober feel of Nolan's film). Anthony Hopkins, scheduled to play Jor-El, had followed Brett Ratner on his way out. I almost thought that was his voice (it's Brando's) accompanying the preview. And there's also a chance to catch the original score. And there's reportedly even more homage in the film. Should be fun. Time to bone up on the Reeves canon (even if it means watching the last two entries, which were mostly DOA).

kudos to sony [link courtesy: Amogh]

For being backward compatible.

How else can one explain that the workaround for their recent rootkit/DRM solution sounds so much like what you had to do to counter their first expensive dumb DRM solution?

Here's a nice comparison of the two smart[sic] DRM strategies from everyone's favourite entertainment company ... {link courtesy: Boing Boing}

*imoh

While Mimoh's all set to make tracks in films, there's more news about him and his other siblings waiting in the wings.

There's 18 year-old Rimoh (real name: Ushmey) all set to hit NYFA for a course in directing

Then there's 13 year-old brother, Namoshi, who wants to become an actor

And an 8 year old sister, Dishani, who wants to be a model

The coolest thing about all this is Mithun's attitude: Having made it the hard way, he wants his kids to do the same. No luxury road to success. Now if only some other parents had been so smart. We wouldn't have the likes of Fardeen Khan, Esha Deol, K* Kapoor, ... usw.

mass mediocrity II: how much sugar would you like in your hot sauce? {where we came from}

Rediff's sequel to their movie endings that readers would like to change page begins on a promising note: someone wants to change Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar's predictable upbeat encouraging ending to a downbeat ending one would associate with what most film viewers term as "art cinema": The end would be that Aamir Khan loses the race and becomes disillusioned with cycling. He feels that in spite of his hard work, nothing happened. He completes his schooling, and since he is good at nothing, he opens a cycle shop. I kinda like this ending, but it doesn't fit with everything the rest of the film was set up for. The film wasn't meant to be a peek into a life of jealousy, competition and defeat. It was supposed to be Breaking Away with songs, oomph and miscellaneous Bollywood spices, despite which it still managed to remain an above-average product (if only because there wasn't any of that dog/blood vegeance and vituperation). The rest of that note takes the film to new frontiers. Literally. It now enters Rocky territory: He hates cycles but still he does it to earn a living. By then, he gets married to Ayesha Jhulka. Then one day, a polio-affected student comes to buy a cycle from his shop, and he sees the harship the kid goes through to learn cycling. He gets inspired by this, and decides to become a champion racer. To add drama, we could make his wife pregnant during the big race. He becomes a champion by winning the Tour de France where Deepak Tijori (his old rival) is also competing!.

Most of the rest of the results hold up to the promise of this initial offering. This is promising. Keep 'em coming. Like that last one on Dhoom. Yes, Point Break was definitely on their minds, but only through its rip-off The Fast and the Furious. The Reeves starrer had more shades than an average blow-'em-up brain-dead chicks-and-wheels noisy action flick that the latter was. But both enjoyed open-ended endings. Who knows, John Abraham probably survived to dish out more pizza. In more ways than one. What a scary thought.

michael jackson + mohd. ali: coming soon

Although late in the making, this post must see the light purely in the spirit of things. YT cannot resist making it public that YT is aware of the happenings (was there any doubt?). Here's da juice.

Mo(a?)hakshay, s/o of Mithun Chakraborty and Yogita Bali aka Mimoh (that's MIchael jackson + MOHammed ali), is all set to make his debut on screen. Current visual profiles confirm a strong likeness to the long-haired avataar of Brad Pitt. Only just. Probably came from the Yogita Bali side of the gene pool.
There is no confirmation on his first film; there have been several contenders/rumours

*[early on] in his father's production (typical Bollywood style; probably just as well that he didn't go down this path)

*a movie produced by Venus and directed by Vikram Bhatt

*a movie directed by Deepak Sarin (remember Aaina, Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai [the salman khan version] and Albela [the govinda version]?) and starring Sneha "I look just as dumb as Aishwarya" Ullal (last seen in that unlucky movie with plenty of time to bore us out of our wits). Shooting is supposed to start in January, but there are already rumours of funding problems (a common question running around being "ye diipak sariin kaun hai?")

*Then there's the latest, a remake of a Telugu flick called
Athanokkade produced by G V Prasad with music by catchy-jingle-bad-lyrics master Himesh Reshammiya. Shooting starts in December.

That last item looks like the most likely candidate to hit the marquee first.

In the meantime, all we can do is wait and watch (I recommend Gautam Govinda -- not the Ghai flick but the delicacy embellished with aii-dacious dialogues, rib-tickling lyrics, pointless scenes, infallibly impossible logic, and more)

mass mediocrity

i should vow never to hope for a victory for the discerning mainsteam (is that a contradiction in terms?) Bollywood audience. Rediff recently asked readers "which film's ending would you change?" The results are depressing (even though the ending is still one of Bollywood's biggest problems -- aside from the more common desire to cast lookers instead of actors in screen-hogging parts). Some of the responses are arguably reactions you would expect based on endings designed for impact (Ek Duje Ke Liye, Tere Naam). But, in general, it's rather depressing that all people (as represented by responses in this survey) go to the theatres to see "happy endings" No wonder Bollywood filmmakers[sic] are hell-bent on filling the space between the opening titles and the "ending" with tripe galore, filching plot points and techno-gimmickry merrily from all over the place.

addendum: In an IM exchange with JR points me another nugget on the page. The reader says "I wish Rajesh Khanna had survived in Anand" You frigging retard! The film's name was meant to serve as ironic counterpoint for the fact that Anand Sehgal, born in October, was terminally ill and yet managed to summon more joie [thanks for noting the dropped-E Abhishek] de vivre than your 10 pushte.n you puTTan!

MadwyfSetsFyr2Haus:textually yours [ref: vivek]
Damn! Looks like Hirak beat me to it; so I'll just direct you there for some Shakespeare-to-text-message conversions... John Sutherland seemed to have nursed some reservations about text messaging earlier ...

neal 'n' nikki: time to outsource our lyrics {other illustrious entries}


After the "success" of Salaam Namaste (the film and the soundtrack), Yash Raj Films have decided to ride this hobby horse to the ground with their home-grown take on this currently successful piece of high concept. And the people behind the background score, Salim-Sulaiman, who made their mainstream music-directorial splash with Kaal (great for the ears, bad for the eyes), are roped in to do the hip honours. Someone called Anvita Dutt Guptan (watch that name; after the YRF publicity machinery is done inundating your senses and milieu with this film and all things associated, you will remember it well) gets to pen the lyrics. While S&S produce a reliable mix of sounds, it doesn't make as much of a splash as Kaal. And the terrible lyrics that draw attention to themselves are to blame, in all likelihood.

You know things are bad as soon as you take a look at the CD. Thought bubbles decorate a shot of Uday Chopra (fat arms, puny head, no talent) and Tanisha Mukherjee (is that how you spell it? With numerology and personal preferences, I'm lost) [who was one of the weak links in Sarkar and also played a character called Mehak {iTrans-pron: mahak} in that stinker (pun away) called S4H3...]. The gal's (that's Tanisha, FYI) thought bubble reads "Yuck! Puke! Tum Aur Main! Kabhi Nahin! You're A Jerk!" UC's bubble goes "Really! So Why Are You Giving Me That Come-On-Baby-Rock-My-World Look?" See, the use baby confuses me as far as UC is concerned. I'm sure the screenplay[sic] will make sure. The designated director for this piece of corn, BTW, is a dude by the name of Arjun Sablok (wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with the famous[sic] Sablok Clinic in Delhi), who was responsible for a piece of long-drawn tripe called Na Tum Jano Na Hum.

The tracks begin to play. A sample of the lyrics from the surefire hit title song (which, in order to guarantee appeal, even quotes the riff from DDLJ's tujhe dekhaa to ye jaanaa in post-modern agony) voiced by K K and Shweta Pandit with generous inputs from the lead pair.

he:
mai.n shaayad chaar saal kaa thaa
jab mujhe pahalii baar pyaar huaa
usane mujhe dekhaa mai.nne use dekhaa
ham dono.n me.n iqaraar huaa
mai.n tab bhii kitanaa ##cool## thaa
jitanaa mai.n aaj huu.N
mai.n tab bhii ##super-cool## thaa
jaise mai.n aaj huu.N

female chorus: neal neal neal neal

he:
##i'm the neal i'm the man rock star super star## (2)
...
Uday:
o k ... so what about you? what's your story, girl?

she:
well, mai.n to yuu.N dil de baiThii
jaane binaa mai.n pyaar kar baiThii
##i was nine## mai.nne use ##TV## pe dekhaa
##george michael## usakaa naam thaa

Uday:
oh! that singer??! he's gay.
you know he (pause) swings the other way

Tanisha:
what!!???

Uday:
yaa!

Tanisha:
um mai.n bahut chhoTii thii (pause) and anyways ...

she:
##i knew## meraa shahazaadaa gho.De pe aayegaa
kaano.n me.n dhiire se wo yuu.N gunagunaayegaa

male chorus: nikki nikki nikki

she: yo!

female chorus/she:
##nikki bakshi sweet n' sexy full-on rocking hot an' happening## (2)

...

he:
##two ones are two, two twos are four## ...

Go get yourself a copy and check out the rest of it while I LMAO.

secrets revealed: why bollywood continues to churn out brain-dead crap and why people with talent comparable to roasted thermocol end up being stars and "actors"

With Ek Khiladi Ek Haseena about to smack the marquee in the face soon, Rediff sponsors a Koena Mitra fan chat. Background: Koena Mitra is the wiggler with the highest frequency and highest coefficient of emaciation (see also: Musafir). The chat transcript provides some insight into the kind of people who actually pack the cinema halls, avidly surf the Internet, read Rediff regularly (and inundate articles with their comments), and who ultimately provide the grist for the mill of all that guano our producers keep churning out. A few samples (all answers provided by Koena Mitra):

Q: HEY KOENA AS PER YOU WHICH IS YOUR SEXIEST PART OF YOUR BODY
A: :-) My brains!!

Q: Whom from have u got ur motivation 2 b a super model? Who is ur inspiration?
A: Arjun Rampal

And for those who wonder where she got that Brazilian sass in the ***:

Q: Koena since you are a model from where u learnt ur dancing skills for films
A: From Kolkata .. I got trained in Indian and western classical for 11 years.

how true ... yet how polar

In an interview with Shobha Warrier (titled, in true marketing flair, "I want to write Rajnijant's[sic] biography...", Roopa Swaminathan, author of the National Award-winning book, Star Dust: Vignettes from the fringes of the Film Industry, provides a pertitent note about Bollywood and Indian cinema:

Why did you decide to concentrate on the Tamil film industry?

For a couple of reasons. One, I genuinely found more interesting people in Tamil cinema. They are altogether smarter and more passionate than those from Hindi cinema. Tamil cinema is a lot about wanting money, fame etc, but it's also about making different kinds of cinema. Technicians are constantly pushing themselves to become bigger and better. Secondly, I wanted to highlight the fact that Bollywood is not representative of Indian cinema. There's more to Indian cinema than that.

True. Very very true. And yet Bollywood wins by visibility. Tsk tsk.

On the other hand, some things in Kollywood still continue to be baffling: the recent development in the Khushboo affair is case in point.

an overdose of kores continues ... and the smell of kerosene persists

The next Indra Kumar/Ashok Thakeria collaboration is "a film that will make you laugh, cry, smile and think". So far, Pyare Mohan features two dudes ... Pyare and Mohan (Duh!). One is blind while the other is deaf. Sound familiar? Try, See No Evil, Hear No Evil.

Just in case the title didn't ring any bells ... That should help make sense of all of it; if not, we need a mind meld.

dousing the flames

The big question behind Aditya (thanks Zero) Apurva Apoorva (that's how the credit reads on the soundtrack CD sleeve) Lakhia's Ek Ajnabee [a quick refresher] becomes a non-issue. It's Man on Fire indeed. And the events reported make me sick.

Lakhia had no qualms admitting that his film was inspired by Man On Fire, which is based on a novel by the late British author A J Quinnell.

"Man On Fire has been made into four films in five different languages," the director said. "So this is the Indian version. It has all the necessarily ingredients required for a movie to come out of India."

Consider the versions of Man on Fire. There was the 1987 and then the recent Denzel starrer in 2004. That's as much as IMDB knows. Even the Wikipedia page dedicated to Quinnell mentions no other films. What four films in five different languages are you talking about? The only concession I can grant you is that the languages listed on the IMDB page for the 1987 version are French, English and Italian. That makes 3. Not equal to 4. Not equal to 5. I refuse to grant the licence to make a colloquial wave of hands as far as facts like this are concerned.

Dude! Here's how you can put all accusations to rest. Credit Quinnell in your film. Then we'll have something in your favour. As of now, you're just another plagiarist in denial. And all you have to boast are slick previews (yeah, been there, seen that, move on) and an item number featuring Arjun Rampal.

Time to give RGV credit for Sarkar. The source (ignore the whiff of the sequel) was acknowledged and credited right from inception to the final print. I'll wait to see something like this on Ek Ajnabee. Meanwhile, it's time to rue the fact that No Entry is the highest grossing Hindi movie of the year.

addendum [november 15, 2005]: A delightful speculative breakdown of the various elements in Lakhia's flick. While you're there, you should see how beTelaal discovered the truth behind Zinda.

what's it with sujoy ghosh and bikes?


Liked the soundtrack for the one on the left. And the soundtrack for the one on below finds Vishal/Shekhar in Musafir mode (right down to Sanjay Dutt warbling again), yet slightly toned down; a nice mix of samples, riffs, melodic contours, and general TP. A lot less of the frenetic rock influences on Dus. And plus points for a new POV on Diwali greetings. So far, despite the echoes of Ah! My Goddess (thank Sudarshan for that tip; he's the anime/manga guy; I just read a few), the film looks promising. But then we have the annoying problem of Vivek Oberoi. Then there's a horde of cameos (including Karan Johar). Novelty is guaranteed.

big screen to small screen

While RGV's sequel to Darna Mana Hai, Darna Zaroori Hai is still taking its own sweet time getting to the marquee, another seldom-seen(?) event occurs: former partners K Sera Sera are all set to hit Star ONE with a TV series based on the film. Famous names are scheduled to direct, while famous names inundate the cast of RGV's sequel.

There are numerous examples abroad of TV shows spun off from movies, with cases like M*A*S*H, where the TV show came out of the shadow of the film and made a mark for itself. Can't think of any Indian examples off the top of my head, so it's time to throw this question out there to the few visitors that this space sees. What other examples exist in desiiland?

on being completely pointless

Does someone actually get paid to write stuff like this? If this person's trying to be as funny as Anthony Lane {try a sample}, fuggedaboutit! A sample:

On the one hand, you say you want to be known for your work. On the other, you claim you are in love but don't reveal the name of the person, thereby fuelling gossip. What do we do? Should we write about how unfairly you missed an Oscar nomination after your work in Jaanasheen?

The irony that this thing's being hosted on Rediff Movies is the only aspect you can relish.

Did Stardust just let their worst writers go and take up positions at Rediff?

correspondence update

Although unbelievable, some of this space's visitors actually want to send notes to the author via e-mail. YT has been foresighted enough to provide an email address to facilitate such communication. Unfortunately, the domain for the old email address decided to go play soccer with the bucket, and YT was provided an opportunity to pick an email address that would provide enough evidence that YT was a nestless cuckoo with a mübian mind. And the old space for the email address has been filled with this new address: jaa.crjathaa.cmas at gmail dot com

That gibberish makes sense in a transliterated vernacular way, and represents no intention to alienate readers or visitors who don't know WTH it means. If anything, it should at least get YT a few emails asking the question "WTF does that mean?" Copy, replace " at " with an amphora, paste it into the "To" field of your favourite e-mail client, and type out your most venomous thoughts.

That is all.

buDDhaa mil gayaa [ack: amogh for knocking this tidbit my way ahead of all other unread newsitems]

After being abducted and imprisoned for years without tangible reason, a man is set free with a few days to find out why all this happened

If you're not into world cinema, if you didn't know about the Grand Jury Prize winner at Cannes 2004, you would think this was the latest Sanjay Gupta flick (no pun intended) Zinda featuring Sanjay Dutt as Dae-su Oh and John Abraham as Woo-jin Lee. Also in the mix, you would toss Lara Dutta, Celina Jaitley and Mahesh Manjrekar (again).

It's a worthy response to another successful plagiarist called Priyadarshan. After all, Gupta himself has had a rich legacy of filches from Ram Shastra ("India's first film with Dolby Spectral Recording," they claimed) which did the "bad acting, songs and dances, mellow mush" on Hard to Kill to Musafir, which did Oliver Stone's U Turn. To distinguish himself from the monolithic style that Priyadarshan and most Bollywood "filmmakers" adopt, Gupta aspires to be a blender. This means that a lot of his films derive from more than one source. Aatish stole its guts from A Better Tomorrow and whipped in the torch-this-place-and-run male bonding sequence from State of Grace; and Kaante started off with adroitly mixing The Usual Suspects (one of us is a traitor) with Reservoir Dogs (one of us is ... you get the idea), and tossed in some stuff from Heat, because he was itching to present some footage of the actual bank robbery; Jung took Desperate Measures and embellishments from Face/Off; and Khauff topped its cake from The Juror with cinnamon from The Replacement Killers. Even when he only "wrote" and produced and delegated direction to his lackey Hriday Shetty, he came up with the DOA blend called Plan, which chose to use Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels for the premise and first half and Suicide Kings for the post-interval exercise in yawns.

After the mindlessly slick idiotically howlarious romp that was Musafir, Gupta's back with another slick etc etc. He's also been maintaining silence about the details of the film, and apparently has even asked the cast to sign an agreement of non-disclosure. But you know, given his track record, that this has to be a filch.

And then the promo {real media video file} got out. All you now had to do was check the promo {Quicktime video file} for Oldboy. Any denial that this was the original that was shoved into a cheap desii copying machine would be preposterous.

Consider the taglines appearing in the promos. taken without warning (check), held without reason (check), locked up for 15 years (check; except that Gupta picks a number that is more faithful to Indian tradition -- 14), then set free (check; well, suddenly instead of then), now he has 5 days (Gupta chooses 4; budget constraints?; blind search-and-replace in the text?; a general desire to be "different"?), to find out why (ditto). Gupta's preview is much shorter. With due respect to the tradition of dumbing it down for audiences, his preview has dialogue (and a lot of redundant words at that).

Shameful. And people are going gaga over the slickness of this trailer. Seems like hoping for some brain cells at work in the skulls of our audience is becoming a lost cause. Slick packaging is all that is needed these days. Watch Sanju baba eat food with chopsticks (Axiom: to torture someone, you make them eat Chinese food). Watch him imprisoned in that oh-so-cool outfit (Axiom: when someone is held captive in wretched surroundings, they are given good clothes to wear). And Dutt's also warbled again for a Gupta soundtrack (the last time was Musafir's tez dhaar). This means that the usual song-and-dance interludes ain't goin' nowhere. And we have two airheads (Dutta, Jaitley) about to essay roles of substance[sic] that demand a fair level of acting[sic] smarts[sic]. Be prepared to watch them act[sic] in various stages of undress.

What should worry you, if you've seen Park Chan-wook's original, is how Gupta could've chosen something that defines new levels of violence and mayhem on screen. And what about the twisted [literally] dénouement?

Only time will tell. In the meantime, learn how to use chopsticks.

a stranger on fire

The burning (stinking pun there) question about Apurva Apoorva (that's how the credit reads on the soundtrack CD sleeve) Lakhia's Ek Ajnabee was: is it Léon or is it Man on Fire? Well, one of the greatest non-actors that Bollywood has been encouraging over the last few years, Arjun Rampal, has something to tell us.

First, the usual "this is not a copy, but a " nonsense. And then, the beans spill out (with some emphasis of my own):

I have seen Man On Fire and our film is very different from that. Like [sic] my character is not even there in the English film. In fact, Apu has adapted the original French novel for his film and has incorporated elements of his own.

French??? Man on Fire was based on an A. J. Quinnell book. No French here. The only French elements come from Léon (Luc Besson, to be precise).

Which means we might be a little shy of square one at this point.

Confusion reveals multiple inheritance? The strange darkness persists.

filch(flich(source)) [a diwali nest]

Priyadarshan is all set to achieve a new dubious record of sorts with his 2/3 contribution to the comedic[sic] releases for Diwali. Not for maximising his contribution, but for achieving a two-level remake on each entry. Kyon Ki is a remake of Thalavattam, which was his remake in Malayalam of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. And Garam Masala (nothing in common with the Mehmood starrer in 1972 that boasted some fine songs from the late great R D Burman) is a remake of Boeing Boeing, which was his remake of a 1965 comedy of the same name.

Want to hear something more ridiculous? Try this. Priyadarshan was accused of filching Garam Masala from a play called Plane Crazy for Love (weak pun there) written and directed by Naved Aslam. This play is also based on the Marc Camoletti play that Priyadarshan filched in Malayalam (and is now filching therefrom in Hindi!). Classic case of the Pot and Kettle standoff.

more about Priyadarshan's wheel "reinventions" elsewhere in this space

a diwali bonus?

Rediff.com, who have long been Salman lovers/supporters/fanatics, have decided to go ahead with their collective tongue firmly in cheek with a short interview in the milieu of Kyon Ki [we've had something in this space about what he had to say at an earlier point in time]. Despite their facile attempts at wit, it seems like he's giving them a hard time for asking him honestly dumb questions like Kyon Ki is a love story like Tere Naam. What is the difference between the two? or How do you feel about the fact that D'damas is associating with Kyon Ki?.

the oracle of the bengal tiger

[right back at you, Gaurav]

Why didn't I think of this before? The general version of the Oracle of Kevin Bacon game (last mentioned in a birthday greetings post for IMDB) offers some solid results when applied to everyone's favourite sha.nkar. A few Erdös-ian samples follow {October 24, 2005: fixed an egregious and subtle manifestation of the Copy/Paste problem [merci Amogh]}:

Brad Pitt has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 2

Brad Pitt was in Seven Years in Tibet (1997) with Danny Denzongpa
Danny Denzongpa was in Shandaar (1990) with Mithun Chakraborty

Orson Welles has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 3

Orson Welles was in Sailor from Gibraltar, The (1967) with Zia Mohyeddin
Zia Mohyeddin was in Bombay Talkie (1970) with Aparna Sen
Aparna Sen was in Titli (2002) with Mithun Chakraborty

Sylvia Kristel has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 3

Sylvia Kristel was in Mysteries (1978) with Rita Tushingham
Rita Tushingham was in Guru, The (1969) with Aparna Sen
Aparna Sen was in Titli (2002) with Mithun Chakraborty

Sonny Chiba has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 3

Sonny Chiba was in Bushido Blade, The (1981) with Mako (I)
Mako (I) was in Cages (2005) with Asrani
Asrani was in Heeralal Pannalal (1999) with Mithun Chakraborty

Charlie Chaplin has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 3

Charles Chaplin was in Countess from Hong Kong, A (1967) with Michael Medwin
Michael Medwin was in Sea Wolves: The Last Charge of the Calcutta Light Horse, The (1980) with Mohan Agashe
Mohan Agashe was in Gudia (1997) with Mithun Chakraborty

Quentin Tarantino has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 3

Quentin Tarantino was in From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) with Veena Bidasha
Veena Bidasha was in Divine Lovers (1997) with Hemant Birje
Hemant Birje was in Bhairav (2001) with Mithun Chakraborty

Krzysztof Kieslowski has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 4

Krzysztof Kieslowski was in Niebieskie jak Morze Czarne (1973) with Tomasz Zaliwski
Tomasz Zaliwski was in Krakh operatsii Terror (1980) with Artyom Karapetyan
Artyom Karapetyan was in Ajooba (1991) with Tej Sapru
Tej Sapru was in Aaj Ka Ravan (2000) with Mithun Chakraborty

Linda Lovelace has a Mithun Chakraborty number of 4

Linda Lovelace was in Linda Lovelace for President (1975) with Garry Goodrow
Garry Goodrow was in Breathless (1983) with Richard Gere
Richard Gere was in Shabana (2002) with Aparna Sen
Aparna Sen was in Titli (2002) with Mithun Chakraborty

A few other candidates eliminated for similar links in the chain include Alfred Hitchcock, Martin Scorsese. And anything involving Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Gandhi

PIFF!

The Pusan International Film Festival (PIFF) has a nice website (yes, yes, some spots are very graphic-intensive). This is where Vishal Bharadwaj's next children's film The Blue Umbrella based on Ruskin Bond's tale will see its world premiere. And while Korean cinema has also been getting some more plaudits (e.g. Chan-wook Park), the other PIFF, the Pune International Film Festival probably still has a long way to go as far as advertising and marketing (and perhaps even basic Event Management 101) are concerned.

Oct 17, 1990: 15 today


Happy 15th Birthday IMDB. What would I do without you? And what about the Oracle of Bacon and their awesome variation to the Kevin Bacon game?

the failure to rise: the sisyphean dregs of mangal pandey (a plea for yeast)

Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up! [My City Of Ruins/The Rising/Bruce Springsteen]

It was sheer coincidence that I was listening to Bruce Springsteen's The Rising while typing out my thoughts about ARR's latest Hindi soundtrack -- the much-hyped, eagerly awaited The Rising: Ballad of Mangal Pandey. The reason I was listening to the Springsteen album was because it had The Fuse, which featured (in a rearranged-with-strings version) over the end credits of Spike Lee's 25th hour. Well, that review never got done -- probably because this was not the soundtrack to rekindle my faith in ARR. Unfortunately (and predictably), the thoughts held for the movie as well ...

The good: nice photography, great art and production design

The bad: the soundtrack; the opening song (ma.ngal ma.ngal) completely eliminates all diegetic sound, making it all feel fake right from the word 'go' (and that song becomes an irritating motif scattering aural torture throughout the film); the use of the narrator to translate the goings-on for people who ain't got a clue about English (thus indicating the desire to address the mass market instead of using the device of narration more imaginatively); the item song (heaving bosoms are not an essential part of a period film) [this goes for the faux item song meant to introduce Rani Mukherjee, as well as the second item song rasiyaa wherein jwaalaa and William Gordon surrender to the inevitable call of the flesh) [In Roja Bombay {thanks for the tip, NR: confused the two getting-it-on sequences (with no special appearance in Roja, of course)} we had Arvind Swamy and Manisha Koirala getting it on while Sonali Bendre cavorted for our viewing pleasure; here Sophiya Haque does the ji.ngaalaalaa honours]

The nice: Sohrab Ardeshir as Sorabji attempting to bribe Lockwood (nice writing; and a good turn from Ardeshir); the choice of Om Puri as the narrator (thank you very much for not choosing Amitabh Bachchan); the short sequence where Gordon comes to try and talk Mangal out of the mutinous path he has adopted

The predictable: the intermission point (we've seen enough Hindi movies in the cinema hall; so have the filmmakers; there's no getting around the fact that we 'know' when it's going to happen)

The cameos: Ravi Jhankal gets reduced to proxying as a singer (with Kailash Kher among others) peppering the filmscape with narrative-slowing songs. ghaaTs can cheer at the brief appearance of Varsha Usgaonkar as raaNii lakshmii baaii. And there's Habib Tanvir wasted as bahaadur shaah zafar.

The perpetuated ludicrousness: the holii song (rock on!) [time to get postmodern, people: try do me a favour, let's play holii from the badly named Waqt: The Race Against Time (it's not a chase movie or a thriller; it's a limpid drama about the relationship between a father and his son -- and no, they are not named waqt, time or time)]

The dismay: Ketan Mehta and Co. clearly channelled all their efforts into making a film from fragments catered to appeal to every section of the audience: there's a sop or two for the critics, meat for the general desii Bollywood audience (song n' dance, love and drama, all that blah), the foreign audience enamoured of "Bollywood" product, the foreign lovers of epics, the foreign critics. The result is something that cannot satisfy all of them. Which makes this a 34-crore sewer explosion.

raucus hallelujachorus: That mud wrestling scene and all its undertones comprise an unintentional source of merriment. Should this be considered this film's Sholay reference? (yet another requirement, it would seem, in almost every mainstream movie these days)

What's the point?: The actual "mutiny" is almost laughable. There's a general clamp on the proceedings, which gives you the benefit of nothing really going overboard, but the disadvantage of a strong sense of déjà vu. The presence of Aamir Khan does nothing (IMHO) for the film or the character (except offering a commercial advantage).

Truly, this was all about the moustache.

Screenplay collaborator Farrukh Dhondy's last screenwriting venture was called Kisna. That almost takes away all the brownie points he got for Split Wide Open and contributions to Maqbool.

Time to locate a copy of Mard (what high concept! The Big B against the British) and get some over-the-top jingoistic Desai drama (replete with Anu Malik songs, outrageous drama, and fierce entertainment).

customer service? {flashback across a few months}

Moving to a new apartment. Time to get utilities activated. I get the utility I've been dealing with other places before. Luck of the draw. But then, you deal better with the evils you've been accustomed to. Onward ho!

If you've dealt with utility companies in the US (who hasn't ... in the US, that is), you know about the fat sums of money they slap onto your bill for setting the connection up, for signing you on, for administrative hand-waving, along with the teensy-weensy special costs they tack on (and describe with admirable lack of clarity in the fine print at the bottom of your verbose multidimensional bill).

Scarred enough, I did my research by poring the pages on their website (yep, they had a useful one in this case). I found out the most advantageous of their plans. And then I called. The person at the other end was remarkably friendly and accomodating (probably having a good day). Everything checked out fine as far as a background check and collecting information about the apartment was concerned. The only hitch was that the previous tenant still had an outstanding balance. This would be (and was) resolved in a couple of days with a friendly fax from our leasing office.

The next time I called (to confirm that the fax had arrived; can't be too paranoid), things initially went as expected -- the fax was nowhere to be found. Mercifully, the person at the other end found it during the call. And I was all set. We had a start date for the service. And I didn't have to worry about the plan yet until they had started the service.

I call on the starting date to provide my choice of plan. Of course, they've already assigned me a default plan (stupid algorithm this, especially since I was ready with my plan when I first called). But the person at the other end put in the request for a change of plan. And I was told that I didn't need to call back to confirm this.

Flash-forward a few days. I receive a welcome packet, which includes a suspicious letter of disclosure that stated that I had called (on the day that I had called) and "had requested" that they place me on the default plan! Furious to no end, I called back to check the plan on my account. It turned out to be the one I had chosen and not the default plan. No cause for concern.

Yet. I get the first bill, and sure enough it's still the default plan. I call back, and they have strange call log dates, which, coupled with this strange algorithm they follow for determining the plan for a billing period: use the start date for the billing period and find out the existing plan then. Because of the dates involved in all my interactions with them, one segment of my bill would unavoidably fall into the default trap. But the other was clearly in error. But the problem was that they had the wrong call dates. And after talking to three representatives a few days apart, one thing was clear: these people didnt' care, they were not interested in finding out if I had a valid case, they were happy to send me running around blind in the forest.

My final call, however, went to a supervisor (this being the second one), and he was a revelation. He looked up the information, and made his decision in seconds flat. No arguments. No need for me to go into flashback mode again. The adjustment was made, and he even made a generous one, accomodating the previous cycle (a reward for all the bad times I had been through). And near the end he said "when considering the company and the customer, i tend to lean in favour of the customer"

Now, isn't that supposed to be the case in general? With such heavy emphasis on service, shouldn't everyone be doing what this gentleman just did?

Incidentally, why does the a.ntaraa of ishq kamiinaa sound like the a.ntaraa of SJ's title song for Love in Tokyo?

important news [according to the Tabloid of India]


* India is the world's second sexiest nation ...[more]

* The 10 flattest (um ... never mind) women in Bollywood [more]

* Get a global perspective with a similar list of 10; this one's devoted to Aries girls [more]

* Bollywood couples are available for movie sign-ups at "package rates" [more on this buy-one-get-one-at-half-price wannabe]

* IVF instead of the good old fashioned way of "getting your feet heavy" [more]

websiteorg {context?} [thanks to Vivek for pointers to the meaty items]

Is a very illuminating title for the flashy website of a "new age Renaissance man" whose outstanding ability is his strength to integrate macro and micro economic concepts with both strategic management techniques as well as personnel management techniques employed in organizations. At a macro level, his thoughts focus on the growing degeneration of the American socio-economic setup, the dangers of mindless imitation of the free market system and the innate strength of the Indian society.

An extract from his book Count your chickens before they hatch (which, incidentally, may be found under the Humorous Section on Fabmall)provides but one example of 24 carat BS with the new concept of strokes and the three hungers than an individual experiences (see also: Amitabh Bachchan's drunken monologue in Hum about bugs)

Every individual, irrespective of whether he is working with a large organisation or with a small one, has three levels of hunger: status hunger, structure hunger and stroke hunger. These levels of hunger meet their psycho-social needs and hence provide the drive to put in efforts, extra efforts rather. Stroke hunger results from the need to be recognised, the need to feel that one exists, the need to feel that one is important. The reader by now must be wondering what strokes actually mean. A stroke, for simplicity, can be defined as an unit of existence. It tells somebody that he exists, that he is needed, that he is being noticed. Stroke is something that we all look forward to from others around us, especially from our leaders, our managers, our mentors.

I am Jack's colon. I get cancer, I kill Jack.

A surefire giveaway is when this father of Theory "I" management quotes Boy Zone

"It's only words. And words are all I have to take your heart away" Boy Zone thankfully reminds us of the power within us to be able to become the king of hearts.
more so by bringing in the humorous human touch [sic]

Make a movie guaranteed to succeed thanks to market research like Rok Sako To Rok Lo and you become an "iconoclastic filmmaker" ...

Enough to convince you that this guy would rock as a dialogue writer for Mithun movies. Or even as a representative for Amway or Quixtar (all that swooshing music on the website should be a strong hint for those who've been recipients of a folder and an introductory CD from these great projects whose participants will never tell you what they really do)


Addendum: The "media appreciation" section is "under construction"

of pride and planning: more in the Gaurav/IIPM saga {previous breadcrumb}

There's something on NDTV and the Indian Express has a short report on the events thus far. Predictably, the dean of one of the IIPM franchises denies knowledge of the notices sent to Gaurav or Varna (and forget about any of the threats to Rashmi Bansal). It's interesting to see that the amount in damages is going up steadily with each legal notice. It would be a useful[sic] exercise to find out how they arrived at the seed value and the value for increments in subsequent legal notices. Looks like something for The Generator Blog.

Gaurav also has an update on his blog. And the post for all the latest updates is on DesiPundit. In terms of a flashback, here's Rashmi Bansal's post inundated with responses from IIPM students[sic].

To add to the crazy mix, Rediff Movies has a special slide show (aka: HTML pages with Next/Prev/Start links inundated with salacious photographs and ephemeral text) on one of the greatest contributions to the institution of acting, Kareena Kapoor's figure. Stay tuned for a special series next month by Sonu Sood on method acting and another by Esha Deol on pumping iron.

patellar tendon reflex: what's goin' on?

Shortly after having stumped me with his casting on Mr. Mehta and Mrs. Singh, Vishal Bhardwaj comes up with another knock to the ulnar nerve. He's revisiting Shakespeare territory. After the wonderful Maqbool, which adapted Macbeth to the Bombay underworld (and it seemed so appropriate you wondered why no one else had attempted this in ... um ... Bollywood), it's now the turn of Othello. The film's going to be produced by Devgan Entertainment, which means that Ajay Devgan is going to star as O___, the equivalent of Othello. The other names for casting being bandied about aren't all that encouraging either. I'm not as excited as I was when I heard the first newsbit about Maqbool.

I can look at this as (a) Vishal is making Shakespeare adaptations his equivalent to RGV's gangster flicks (b) Vishal is doing what Gulzar did in the 70s and later in 1999 -- getting non-actors to act. This is not to say that Ajay Devgan and Saif Ali Khan are necessarily bad actors. Saif's got a good sense of comedy, but that doesn't quite cut him some slack for the character of Iago (who wasn't joking about in the play anyway!). I'd have loved to see a gamble with Arshad Warsi instead ("not a star; not saleable, " screams the voice inside my head ... why would this voice speak up as far as Vishal was concerned?). And Devgan's managed to rake up a lot of acclaim for his "acting" simply by looking morose and serious, holding a cigarette in pretty much the same way and puffing galore, and leaving his former mainstream self behind (breaking into a sequence of bad dance steps, executing some fine action moves that his father taught him, mouthing bombast ... you know the drill). Both are better candidates than Suni(e)l Shetty [ref: Hu Tu Tu]. Which means that this might be watchable as an experiment, if not anything else. There's also the hope of a good soundtrack.

What troubles me is the ambiguity: Vishal and another writer have scripted the film. Who's the other guy? Gimme Abbas Tyrewala or even Anurag Kashyap.

And I'd love to get my hands on the abandoned screenplay for Barf.

Meanwhile, as Saurabh Usha Narang (he that helmed the RGV camp sleeper [literally!] Vaastu Shastra) works on a book about his mentor, RGV tosses another googly by announcing his intention to remake James (music notes may be found here). Wonder what Rohit Jugraj might think about all this. Mehboob Khan did it to himself with Aurat/Mother India. Hitchcock did it with The Man Who Knew Too Much. At least RGV has company (no pun intended).

[Update] [October 14, 2005] Admittedly, Rohit Jugraj, who helmed James, ain't too pleased with RGV's decision to remake the film. He then joined Randeep Hooda in the (hopefully not growing) exodus from RGV's camp after dropping the bomb: Shiv (the proposed RGV remake) is not a remake of James, but a remake of RGV's old film Shiva with Nagarjuna! {source}

rok sako to rok lo
The response to Gaurav's decision has been overwhelming and encouraging. A few pointers: Amit Varma (and Instapundit's got a pointer to this), a DesiPundit post that's steadily aggregating support.

Make sure you save your copies of Rok Sako To Rok Lo. They're going to become collector's items later when the entities at IIPM are punished to the point of shameful breakdown with repeated viewings of the movie. (Harish would approve).

and we also have: JR's taking a step back from the initial reactions; his thoughts are awaited. Abhishek notes some of the samples of misguided rage from the chhatargaN of IIPM.

Unrelated update: Just realised that RSTRL has an iTrans-friendly title just as salaam namaste did! In all ignorance, Arindam saar managed a subtle coup.

yet another case of step-children of the same parent ...

In true Agni Natchatram/Vansh tradition, the Dansh/Siskiyaan syndrome continues in a new strain. This time the source is Luc Besson's 1994 flick Léon [aka The Professional in the USA] (who can forget Gary Oldman and the style of the film?). Our Bollywood versions are separated by a few years, which would make it more a case of Uljhan/Yakeen. The first version was Guddu Dhanoa's 2000 Bobby Deol-Rani Mukherjee starrer Bichhoo featuring Ashish Vidyarthi doing his take on Gary Oldman's Stansfield. The second one is the second film (forthcoming) by Apurva Apoorva (Nov 21, 2005: that's how the credit reads on the soundtrack CD sleeve) Lakhia called Ek Ajnabee. His first film was a large anthill of vintage guano called Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost and featured chhoTaa B Abhishek. With his second film, Lakhia snags the services of the most common person in Bollywood releases today, the Big B. And of course a print of Luc Besson's movie. At least Bichhoo had something unique for itself -- the typical masalaaa-gore-grief-mayhem backstory for Bobby Deol's character. Wonder what this one will have? Yet another exposition of the Big B's acting skills?

As previously noted, early reports indicate that this film sources Man on Fire ... The premises of the potential sources overlap ... What remains to be seen is which source Lakhia will be more faithful to (probably the one he denies any influence of)

request for applause: a victory for free speech

Way to go, Gaurav! Tough decision to make. Reminds me of the time I took pride in dealing with an issue of integrity and need (minor in comparison)

acrimonious acronyms; please abbreviate

If you only went by headlines, this newsitem might give you the wrong idea that it was all about. Puffed rice kernels, sev, tomatoes, potatoes and the like? Yer ass! (as Harlan Ellison put it in his introduction to Slippage)

This is good reason to oppose and condemn the recent move by the CBSE ...

w(h)ither education?

{from: india uncut}

The CBSE is going soft on spelling errors in exam papers (except when the subject presumably has something to do with inglish).

Pavnesh Kumar, CBSE's controller of examinations has several dregs of wisdom:

Kumar says today's children are "extremely weak" in spelling and he blames the "change in mode of teaching at schools" for this. Spelling and dictation classes are passe and the focus is on developing communication skills.

"It is, therefore, wrong to penalise kids for spelling goofups, if they have the right answers. Too much of computers is also causing this."

After that mouthful of meaningless nothing [emulating the pasha of peripatetic prose, SRK], he proceeds to offer some insight into how the board plans to design and implement this masterful stroke of pedagogical brilliance:

We've devised a scientific marking pattern for this.

bollywood blogs ...

The Aamir Khan/Mangal Pandey blog {more here} seems to have provided the mainstream push that Bollywood (I wonder if there are other Indian film personalities who already blog and just don't do it for publicity) filmmakers required. Prakash Jha decides to inaugurate his blog on a more serious note. The subject: A recent kidnapping (ignore the grammatical slips therein). The events act as a more surreal trailer to Jha's forthcoming film Apaharan featuring Ajay Devgan and Nana Patekar. Do the kidnappers read blogs? But that shouldn't discount the possibility that this might get the case some more visibility and perhaps public interest might encourage the efforts of the authorities.